03/17/2012 03:06 pm ET Updated May 17, 2012

Governor Palin: The President Is Busy, So I Accept Your Debate Challenge

Dear Governor Palin:

I called the White House to see if the president might be available to debate you. Alas, I was told he was busy running the country and trying to make peace in the world.

So, I was kinda thinkin', you wanna debate, don'tcha? (Mitt Romney is training me on Alaskan dialect, so don't hold it against me). Well, I am no President Obama. I am also no Jack Kennedy. But, I am no Katie Couric, either.

We could have a really good debate. Senator McCain said that you knew more about energy than anyone in the country, so people should hear you. You told Mike Wallace that you know your American history, so you have got me there. You have seen Putin rearing his head... or those... so you have an advantage. It would all be kinda neat, don't you think?

I suggest a limited set of rules: No teleprompters. No papers. For notes, palms are OK, but backs of the hands are off limits. Cameras permitted in back of us so no one can wear a Bush-Rove device. You ask me a question, I answer and then ask you a question, and on and on until the last 10' when we each close for 5'. The moderator keeps track of time so we have an equal number of minutes.

I would have proposed Rush Limbaugh as moderator, but I fear he would have done most of the talking. Same with Donald Trump, who would be guaranteed to do all the talking and if, as is likely, you would have won, he would have claimed all the credit.

Instead, I propose Newtie's last two wives -- Marianne and Callista -- to be co-moderators.

One other rule -- no winking. Otherwise, Rich Lowry may have intractable tingles, or, if he had taken Viagra, something even worse.

I am tempted to say "let's get it on," but I don't want Rush calling you names.

Yours dialectically,


P.S. You can call me "Paul," or "Joe," whichever you prefer.