THE BLOG
08/29/2007 12:24 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Wide Stance: the Larry Craig Quiz

1) How did Larry Craig respond to the allegation by a gay man that Craig "cruised" him for half an hour in a Boise REI store in 1994?

a. "What did he say? That I 'cruised' him? What is that, some kind of gay talk?"
b. "I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!"
c. "It's just my bad luck to be the type of man whose lewd actions are constantly being misconstrued as inappropriate."

2) Who is Leroy Williams?

a. The man who claimed to have had oral sex with Larry Craig in 2004 in a men's room in Washington's Union Station.
b. The man who claimed that Larry Craig came on to him in 1967 when they were in college.
c. The man whose claims in 1982 to have had sex with three Congressman when he was 17 prompted Larry Craig to issue a statement saying he wasn't one of them, even though no one had said he was.

3) True or false? You could scour the planet and never find a single heterosexual man wrongly accused of a homosexual act that would plead guilty "in hopes of making it go away."

4) What did Larry Craig say was one of the main things that led him to enlist in Mitt Romney's presidential campaign?"

a. "Have you seen him? My God, he's a beautiful man. Not that I'm gay or anything, because I'm not, but anyone with a pulse would be attracted to him."
b. "First and foremost, he has very strong family values. That's something I grew up with and believe in."
c. "Well, I'm certainly not going to support Giuliani. Did you know he once roomed with gay men? And when I say gay men, I mean men who are the exact opposite of me. Men who have sex in public bathrooms rather than in bed with their wives like I do."

5) Complete the opening line of Larry Craig's statement to reporters about his total lack of gayness: "Thank you all very much for ________________________"

a. coming out today.
b. making sure that the phrase 'wide stance' will be in the first paragraph of my obituary.
c. giving me the opportunity to repeat over and over again that I am not gay, I have never been gay, and I will never be gay. And anyone who doesn't believe it can blow me in a toilet stall.

ANSWERS: 1) b, 2) c, 3) True, 4) b, 5) a

Paul Slansky's quizzes will be a regular feature on 23/6 (236.com), the new satiric news site coming soon to a computer screen near you.