THE BLOG
09/16/2014 03:09 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

8 Components of the Perfect Dad Brain

Building the perfect dad brain requires a blend of smarts, morals and karate skills that can't be found in just one movie dad, which is why we used eight.

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1. The memory of Indiana Jones Senior.
Imagine being able to remember the name of your child's fourth grade math teacher before calling them the wrong thing during parent-teacher conferences. Having the memory of Indiana Jones Senior will come in handy not just for remembering names, but also for cutting down the number of times you forget your anniversary and end up sleeping on the couch.

2. The loyalty of Don Corleone.
Sure, Don Corleone wasn't a good guy when it came to overall character, but his one overwhelming positive quality was his loyalty to friends and family. A dad doesn't need to put a horse's head in the bed of his daughter's ex-boyfriend to show how much he loves her, but she does appreciate the idea.

3. The humor of Clark Griswold.
When the chips are down and you're stranded in the middle of an enormous Christmas tree farm without a saw, it takes a true father to let out a corny joke and laugh about the situation. Only a truly great dad like Clark Griswold can turn the lemons of a theme park closure into the lemonade of family bonding.

4. The fighting skills of Bryan Mills.
As a dad, we claim our fists are registered as a deadly weapon with the F.B.I. But the truth is if it came to so much as scaring off a disgruntled chihuahua we might need a little help. Learning to defend our family from Bryan Mills (of "Taken" fame) will prepare us for protecting our family against the Russian Army, the terrible twos and disgruntled chihuahuas.

5. The spy skills of Jack Byrnes.
Was your wife telling the truth when she claimed that dress in the closet with the price tag still on it wasn't new? Is your fifth-grade son lying to you when he claims a small invisible T-rex ate his homework? All these secrets and more could be solved with the spy skills of Jack Byrnes.

6. The bravery of Guido.
Sigmund Freud once said "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection," and that's what you get with the bravery of Guido. Doing what is best for your child even when it is not best for you is what every parent hopes they do when the time calls for it.

7. The ability to operate under pressure like John McClane.
If John McClane can stop the hostile takeover of Nakatomi Plaza without so much as his shoes, we should be able drive our kids to the nearest McDonald's without needing to remind them that we can turn this car around.

8. The morals of Atticus Finch.
Children learn the difference between right and wrong from many people, but it mostly comes from their parents. Having a strong moral base like Atticus Finch helps your children understand that picking on someone at school is wrong or downloading songs off the Internet is stealing.

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