THE BLOG
09/18/2010 04:21 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Anti-Christmas Conspiracy Theory Finally Coming to Theaters

There are a lot of funny opinions in politics. Some are provably false. Thanks Media Matters, thanks Snopes. But only the most unprovable, paranoid ideas become enshrined in the pantheon of genuine conspiracy theories. What is it about conspiracy theories -- the Kennedy assassination, Vince Foster, 9-11, the atheist conspiracy to destroy Christmas -- that transforms paranoia into legend?

Well, they do sound an awful lot like movie plots. (a, b, c, and now d) The following is not a fake trailer. The upcoming Christmas with a Capital C is the story of a concerned father, Ted McGinley, forced to defend his local Alaskan politics against religious tolerance. Daniel Baldwin, his atheist rival, is trying to win a political victory by manhandling children dressed as angels.

Some choice quotes from the trailer:

"Who filed this complaint, the Grinch?"

"Seasons Greetings?!"

"It works for everybody."

"It doesn't work for me."

"I do have a problem with Christmas. And all the rest of the garbage you Christians have been jamming down my throat." (...why does that sound familiar?)

"Just because God's out of vogue in the big city, doesn't mean we throw him away like last summer's fashion magazine."

"Christians happen to have started the United States of America!"

"Christmas starts with a capital C. Christ the Lord is the sound of Christmas."

Also recently, Tom Tancredo, currently running for Governor of Colorado, warned that Michelle Obama had abolished Christmas in the White House, in spite of copious evidence to the contrary. And Snopes.

For more entertaining and horrifying Christmas news, please visit christm.us.