You Can't Always Poop Where You Want

No one does yearning and desperation like Mick Jagger. After all, he can't get no satisfaction. And neither can a stay-at-home mom who just wants naptime to happen so she can watch the next episode of Orange is the New Black for bleep's sake. We get you, Mick. We so get you.

The most desperate times of all begin with these words: "Mom, I have to poop." The world stops. Our eyes dart back and forth, searching for opportunity while pleading for patience and asking the universe for help. But once we've potty-trained a kid or two, we are zen-like and resigned to this truth: You can't always poop where you want.

We pull into a highway rest stop
two states away from Grandma Ann's.
I can't find the little potty.
It's somewhere packed inside this van.

You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
you poop where you need.

I'm next in line at the checkout.
My cart is full, kids in hand.
A tiny voice says, "I go bathroom?"
In a Walmart store? Oh man.

You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
you poop where you need.

Little League games are three hours
in a field, nowhere near a school.
There's a tree, way down the first base line.
Here's a wipe. You know what to do.

You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
You can't always poop where you want.
But if you try sometimes, you just might find
you poop where you need.

You Can't Always Poop Where You Want was originally written by Peyton Price and performed by Stephanie Sprenger for Stephanie's YouTube series ParentZBop. You can find Stephanie on Facebook at Mommy, For Real. Peyton is on Facebook as Suburban Haiku. Apologies to the Rolling Stones.