07/20/2010 02:50 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Bill Clinton "Bucket List" Rough Draft

(The following is a rough draft of former president Bill Clinton's recent "Bucket List." It was found in the trash by an anonymous source.)

My Bucket List:

  1. Bounce a grandchild on my knee.
  2. Bounce Lady Gaga on various body parts.
  3. Curb the spread of AIDS in the Third World.
  4. Fight Ken Starr in a 3 round "Tough Guy" boxing match.
  5. Tell Al Gore that deep down I think Global Warming is bullsh-t.
  6. Tell Tipper Gore that deep down I think Al Gore is bullsh-t.
  7. Tell Tipper she's never looked better, buy her a drink, nuff said.
  8. Get Hillary appointed ambassador to India. (or any country of equal or greater distance from Chappaqua N.Y.)
  9. Climb Mount Kilamanjaro.
  10. Mount Nelly Furtado.
  11. Go sky diving, in uh, Thailand.
  12. Get drunk and go to a Fox News party and tell everyone what I think about them. ( and nail Greta Van Sustern!)
  13. Run a marathon.
  14. Friend Monica Lewinsky on Facebook. (it's the least I can do.)
  15. Become a silent partner in a titty bar.
  16. Raise awareness about the lack of clean drinking water for millions of children worldwide.
  17. Do a little "caucusing" with the hostess at the Red Lobster.
  18. Call John McCain in the middle of the night shouting in Vietnamese.
  19. Casually mention to Bush 41 that Bush 43 is a turd.
  20. Dancing With The Stars baby!