07/20/2011 03:14 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Ladies and Gentlemens, the Murdochs Know Nothin'!

Born in Australia 534 years ago, I wonder if lil' Rupert Murdoch ever thought he would grow up to be so powerful? You think he did? You think he looked at Mama and Sir Papa Murdoch and said, "I can do this, I want to grow up and own everything!" Sadly, he is presently only the 117th wealthiest person in the whole world.

But, I would imagine a fair amount of his goals were reached by now, no? It's funny 'cause while his news outlets have been responsible for so much spin and a lot of zaniness, it seems that he is now not assuming any responsibility for his shit! I mean, peeps, puh-leez -- it is so his sole responsibility to be aware of what each and every single one of his entities is up to, no?

So, what happened, stupid, was one of his news entities (I love saying that word, "entities"... isn't that nice how it rolls off the tongue like that? Try saying it super fast!) News of The World, was supposedly tapping the phones of innocent people and, in some gross situations, deceased victims! FYI, News of the World was a Brit paper that was published once a week by the mega-company News Corporation, for which Murdoch is CEO. OK, OK... so you know all of that already: he's a wealthy CEO who had a paper in the U.K. (it stopped its presses, literally, on July 10 of this year) whose horrible practices were ignored.

And why didn't his son Jimmy do anything? After all, he is Papa's COO. Isn't that crazy? He denies knowing anything, too. Oh, the courtroom scene was crazy yesterday, let me tell you. Amidst questioning, sighs, denials and flat-out sneakiness, some loon busted into the joint and tried to splat a cream pie on Rupee's face! He failed and got smacked upside the head by Murdoch's wife (who looked fabulous, incidentally, in pink)!

It's worse enough that with the invention of that daffy Patriot Act (which Obama extended in May for another four years), we face the potential to be tapped by "Big Momma" if we "fall out of line." Now, maybe this sounds a lil' too paranoid, but look what just happened: the press tapped us! Good Lord, if they heard some of my conversations! Shit, how rude! I don't want anyone to listen to me and my private conversations. You kidding?

If as many people as they're saying were indeed tapped and their privacy violated, someone from Murdoch's posse would simply, you know, write a check... make you forget they just listened to you complain about your mother for the past two hours. I mean, if you're number 117 on the list of the wealthiest people on the planet, it's gotta be somewhat easycakes to pay off the peeps you piss off, right? Oh, my, how much is your privacy worth? But again, yesterday, Rupee didn't know anything about paying off those who had been hacked.

And why didn't the Prime Minister do anything? I mean, helllllo? Isn't it a red flag when the paper reports that Prince William has a headache only minutes after he gets off the phone? Isn't that what might be referred to as a "royal pain the ass"? How dare Prime Minister Davey Cameron do nothing! Why are so many people looking away? On July 4, Rupert Murdoch's U.K. paper hacked the phone of a missing teenager who, horribly, wound up having her life taken from her. And still, no one knows anything.

Fox Broadcasting. News of the World. Pie fights. Privacy issues. The old, forgetful CEO and his son. I smell an HBO miniseries! Mmmmm, and it smells fabulous!

I hope you enjoy my video on Rupert Murdoch and the recent Murdoch Sneaky-Sneaky.

--Randall, xoxo