If your relationship has survived Divorce January, but you know in your heart things aren't as good as they should be, intimacy has been avoided because you don't have time and quite frankly can't be bothered, and you don't find your partner alluring, why not use Valentine's day to make an effort to reconnect?
Start by reminding yourself why you fell for your partner in the first place, and what made you fall in love. Reminisce about good times and talk about your first date -- was it a disaster? Was it love at first sight?
Photographs are a great way to prompt memories. How about taking time to look back over your wedding photographs? Maybe there is a piece of furniture or a cushion or ornament that holds special memories of a trip together? Talk about the good times or the bad times if there were times when your partner was supportive during a difficult time for you, or maybe there were times you had a rough time as a couple but it bought you closer together. Remind each other of all the strong bonding points in your relationship.
What do you love physically about your partner? Remind each other of the bits you love the most.
These things get forgotten over time and the more they get forgotten the less you feel attraction towards your partner. It's easy to get caught up in the stresses of day to day life and hung up on the things that annoy you, rather than the positive things.
Try to put the negatives and the arguments to one side whilst you both concentrate on the good this Valentine's.
Many couples that try and have sex without initially creating the desire are doing it out of duty, and try to avoid it wherever possible. This reinforces a very negative view on intimacy and sex. They miss out the key part of initially creating desire, because once you have desire, anything that happens is genuine and not forced, and it will create further intimacy in the relationship moving forward.
Reminiscing is a type of foreplay that most people don't consider. Being intimate and reconnecting isn't about necessarily having sex, although it is a great way to bond. It's more about making each other feel good, going with the flow without anyone feeing under pressure to 'perform' whilst concentrating on feelings and creating desire, which is essential for a healthy, intimate relationship.
It's important not to forget the small intimate gestures that you should indulge in daily -- kissing, hugs and holding hands. These are all things you can do in front of children and it's healthy for your children to see you being affectionate in a none-sexual way. It helps them feel secure, happy and content, which in turn makes home a happier place for everyone.
So why not initiate reconnecting with your partner? It will boost desire for both of you and make you both feel good this Valentine's.