Who is this child? Who is this student?
If I tell you that he has a 125 IQ, do you know him? How about if I add that he has a unique neuropsychological profile, with wide-ranging strengths and weaknesses? Do you sense that you know him when I say that he is socially awkward, preoccupied with airplanes and prone to one-sided conversations? How about when you hear that he doesn't like sunlight in his eyes, loves the smell of old books and enjoys pressing his thumbs hard into the tips of his other fingers? And will you recognize him when I inform you that he's a bit clumsy, speaks with an adult's vocabulary, is awfully disorganized and suffers colossal anxiety?
Like most of us, hearing this description will give you some sense of the child. You will begin to form an impression of him. And when you actually meet him in person, you probably will not be surprised by much of what you see and hear. When he starts to talk and recites in detail the weight and wingspan and flying range of military aircraft, you may nod to yourself. Just as you will when he avoids your eyes or sits rigidly and uncomfortably, as if your mere presence poses danger to him. His relative lack of social etiquette and stilted way of talking will confirm what you're already fairly sure of.
Yes, you are right. This is a boy with Asperger's syndrome. But just because you can rightly identify the child and the Asperger's, does that mean you really know him?
Think, for a moment, what it means to know a child who doesn't have Asperger's. Do we base our knowing that child on measures of intelligence, on IQ and achievement test scores? Probably not. How about on his eye gaze or hand-to-eye coordination? His proper use of pronouns or his ability to express his feelings? Instead of focusing on such finite and piecemeal data, our impressions will probably involve a much deeper, greater and richer gestalt, a virtual potpourri of experiences with that child. If someone asked that we describe that child in a word or two, we'd be hard-put. And yet we tend to rely on the term Asperger's to define and introduce who that other child is. For all its diagnostic and clinical relevance, in many ways the term "Asperger's" utterly fails to tell us who a particular child is. More worrisome, in no way can that term tell us who that child is, all that child can be or, for that important matter, who he himself wishes to become.
All this peril, of course, occurs equally should you discover that the child I've been describing with Asperger's is actually a girl.
My 30 years of clinical experience has taught me many undeniable truths about children with Asperger's:
- Children with Asperger's differ from every other child with or without Asperger's.
They are much richer and more complex than has been realized. They have inner worlds, thoughts and feelings that defy what older research and conventional wisdom about autism has presumed and advised us. Their more stereotypical behaviors are not reliable indicators of who they are, of what they think, feel, experience, know and so forth. Their communications with people, including with themselves, mean more to them than is assumed. They often are more capable of, interested in and understanding of relationships than has been believed. Their neurological differences deny them critical opportunities for growth. What autism and clinical experts have tended to make of those neurological differences has further deprived these children of experiences that they the children crave and (developmentally) need, Concepts most germane to being human -- such as feelings, empathy and creativity -- hold relevance to these children, too. These children frequently smash through the glass ceilings that authoritative professionals have predicted for them (especially in the past). Any of us who ignores these truths deals a severe and cruel blow to these children's esteem, vitality, selfhood and happiness.My dramatic words understate the reality. I sense, however, that I am saying nothing new to the parents and teachers who know such children. That Asperger's syndrome is a variant of autism is no longer news. That it is a neurological problem caused by biology, and not bad parenting, has been long and well established. And most readers, I suspect, agree fully with me that the child is a whole child, and not just a tally of discrete skills and scores. But this reality is easier headlined than seen, lived and heeded in the (parenting or teaching) moment, day after day after day.
Children with Asperger's enter the world with fewer resources to communicate, socially relate and deal with feelings. As if these burdens are not enough, they, in turn, lead to secondary deficits, in the way that carrying on with a bum knee can later cause hip and back problems. Being different, these children are then rejected, depriving them of the social experiences and practice that would ironically help them learn to do it (socially) better. At the end of the day, all these factors add up to an existence in which children with Asperger's are certain to go to bed each night having not gotten much, if any, of the validation, admiration, empathy and understanding that their neurotypical peers routinely enjoy. It is with this background and backdrop that children with Asperger's meet you, their parents and teachers.
None of us knows what the future will bring. Perhaps one day we will unravel the biological mysteries of autism and Asperger's. Perhaps our knowledge will lead to cure and prevention, who can say? Scientific miracles happen. Yet, for all the hopes and "who knows?" of science and medicine, there is one truth that we can be certain of even now: whatever technologies and discoveries come ahead for the child with Asperger's, none will ever threaten the basic truth and power that a good and meaningful relationship will hold for such children, most of all children who try their best and use their energies to cope in a world that can be too hard and too demanding, and that moves too fast.
I've yet to meet one child with Asperger's who does not equate empathy with understanding and, in turn, understanding with love. I've countless times seen the eyes of a child with Asperger's well up because I simply got what they meant, because I simply understood. What more need I say? What more need we know?
This piece is adapted from "Embracing Asperger's: A Primer for Parents and Professionals."
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.