Recently, I discovered that I am the perfect husband. This has yet to be corroborated by my wife, but nonetheless, I am now in fact sure of it.
My perfection as a mate has evolutionary roots. Specifically, because I made a significant Leap in my life - from "sucks, yes" to success - I am much more likely to remain faithful.
It turns out that nearly every one of us shares ancestry with dirt-bag, cheating men. According to Satoshi Kanazawa, an evolutionary psychologist, "The more desirable and attractive the husband is, the greater the chances that other women would want him as well and thus the greater the chances that he would be unfaithful. We are disproportionately descended from polygamous men, because polygamous men invariably have more children than monogamous men." Simply put, the more attractive and successful you are, the more likely your ancestors were shagging around the neighborhood.
Unless, of course, your success came from a Leap, as it did with me.
For most of my life, I was average at best. By age two, I was already being fitted for glasses, with my parents settling on military like plastic frames and lenses thick enough to suggest deep space exploration. In college, my nick-name was "Everlast" (a sad, sophomoric reference to a punching bag). In grad school, they called me "Disney character." In high school, well...actually in high school I didn't even have a nickname - I guess I wasn't even worth the effort.
But I achieved my success much later in life, by taking a leap. Statistically for women (are you listening, honey?), this is the best-case scenario! As I spent much of my life holding the short end of the success stick, I must be genetically less likely to come from successful, polygamous ancestry. Now, my wife can enjoy success and fidelity.
Ladies, avoid those good looking men who achieve success right out of the gate (those cheating bastards!), and focus on the rest of us, the acorns that become the oak, the band geeks, the debate team, those who have to Leap to success, not inherit it.
And if you come across a "normal guy" engrossed in a copy of my new book, The Leap, engage him in spontaneous tonsil hockey...you have likely found your man!!
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