04/02/2007 05:32 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

April 2, 2007 News Update

President Bush promises to veto Iraq war-funding legislation that contains timelines for troop withdrawal, says "bunch of politicians" in Washington shouldn't determine military strategy. Wasn't it a "bunch of politicians" in Washington who got us into this mess in the first place?

Top presidential aide Matthew Dowd says he's lost faith in Bush. White House spokesman suggests Dowd influenced by personal "turmoil." Too bad Dowd doesn't have a wife who works for the CIA and who could be outed.

White House criticizes House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for meeting with President of Syria. How dare she do what the Iraq Study Group suggested Bush administration do?

News reports disclose US Ambassador to Iraq met secretly with Sunni insurgents. Guess it's comforting to find out we at least know who they are.

War supporter John McCain blames media for "negative" reporting about Iraq. Wonder what the 1900 Iraqis killed last month would have to say about that.

Saudi king says Iraq war "illegal." Anybody left in Middle East we haven't alienated?

SecState Condoleezza Rice opens "parallel" talks between Israelis and Palestinians. Hey, Condi, you aware that parallel lines never meet?

One top aide to AG Gonzalez takes the Fifth over Gonzo-gate, another contradicts him on firing of US attorneys. Adios, Alberto.

Evangelicals boycott Ford Motor Company for advertising in gay magazines. What would Jesus drive?

New York Gallery cancels Holy Week exhibition of life-sized, anatomically correct chocolate Jesus following complaints and protests. Size mattered?

President Hugo Chavez bans alcohol sales during Holy Week. That means not a Good Friday for a lot of Venezuelans.

Conservative website's juxtaposed headlines: "Hillary's Star Fading." "Hillary Breaks Record: Raises $26 Million." That's a whole lot of fading.

Mexican President says some of his relatives may be illegals in US. Six degrees of immigration.

Rosie O'Donnell suggests British sailors taken hostage as pretext for US attack on Iran, also raises possibity of "conspiracy" in 9/11 attacks with explosives being planted in Twin Towers. Yo, Rosie, stick to something you know something about, whatever that is.

In "Wrestlemania" publicity stunt, Donald Trump's wrestler defeats Vince McMahon's wrestler and Trump gets to shave McMahon's head instead of having his own head shaved. And you thought pro wrestling was fixed.