12/05/2005 01:50 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dec. 5 News Update

President Bush delivers “Victory in Iraq” speech at US Naval Academy. “Plan for Victory” backdrop is soooo 2003.

President urges people to go to to read the whole 35-page document on war strategy. One page for each point of Bush’s approval rating.

Or you can go to and read about Vietraq. It’s almost as funny as the White House website itself.

White House characterizes document as a publicly accessible explanation of strategies that the Administration has been pursuing in Iraq since 2003. And you thought they were just winging it.

Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld remembers when President Nixon had a secret plan to win the War in Vietnam. Only Nixon kept it secret.

President says he will not be stampeded into pulling American forces out of Iraq, but will listen to what military commanders say. For example, he listened to former Army Chief of Staff Eric Shinesky say we needed a larger force in Iraq and then fired him.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says Bush wanted to go into Iraq in the worst possible way—and did.

U.S. military reportedly paid Iraqi journalists for favorable articles. Just like the Bush Administraton did in this country.. More progress toward democracy..

Rep. Congressman Duke Cunningham admits taking huge bribes from defense contractors and using the money to buy a mansion and a yacht named Duke-Stir. From Duke-Stir to stir?

Cunningham admitted getting $2.4 million in bribes. Democratic Congressmen usually go for less.

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay once referred to Cunningham as an “honest” man and a “man of integrity. That makes for friendly cellmates.

Senate Democrats vow Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito won’t be confirmed until hell freezes over—or until large pieces of material start falling off the Supreme Court building.

Saddam Hussein complains about prison food at his trial. Sorry, Saddam, but you still won’t get any Christmas cookies.

Starbucks workers trying to unionize. Get ready for $6 latte.

Paris Hilton becomes spokesperson for expensive watch. To be flashed in her next online video?

French doctors perform successful face transplant. Joan Rivers heading for Paris?

New York Times reports sales of erectile dysfunction drugs have not met expectations. Market gone soft?