03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dec. 7, 2009, News Update

This way to tabloids-Car crash in Florida, Party crash in Washington, Levi Johnston.

This way to mainstream media-Urge to Surge, Health Care Reform.

President Obama can't resist urge to surge, announces 30,000 troop increase in Afghanistan, with withdrawal of American forces to begin in 2011-or not. Guarantee: American force there will be large enough to prevent Taliban takeover before Election Day, 2012.

Obama's speech delivered at U.S.Military Academy at West Point. Appropriate. Symbolizes militarization of American foreign policy.

Surging Americans to train Afghan forces to take over own security. Vietnamization anybody?

Group of Republican Congressmen visiting Afghanistan in advance of Obama speech suggest Gen. McChrystal criticize Obama for taking so long to make decision. Such patriots!

Obama, in rare presidential gesture, goes to Capitol Hill to push health care reform. Senate debates in rare weekend session. Expect legislation soon authorizing overtime pay for Senators when they work Saturday or Sunday.

What's the over/under on which comes first: Passage of health care reform or withdrawal from Afghanistan?

Latest unemployment figures show economy lost "only" 11,000 jobs in November. Lowest number in two years. Could it be there just are no more jobs to be lost? Could it be we have too many economists who are not unemployed?

Trying to blast way out of humongous sand trap, Tiger Woods issues statement apologizing for his "transgressions." Don't think he was talking about double-bogeys.

Ten bimbos (one for each club in his bag?) have come out of the Woodsworks to acknowledge Tiger in their tanks. Guess he played in a lot of skins games we didn't know about. Also appears to have very active putter.

Tiger fined $164 for careless driving. It's gonna cost him a whole lot more than that. We still don't know why he was backing out of driveway at 2:30 in the morning. Inquiring minds want to know.

Wife Elin comes here from native Sweden, gets work as nanny, will now make millions. Is this a great country or what?

Jay Leno points out Tiger's finally made golf interesting. This leaves tennis as only major sport without juicy scandal. All we got here is Agassi's use of crystal meth and Serena William's potty mouth. C'mon, Roger, how about fooling around--at least a little?

Spirit Airlines spoofs Tiger's crash in commercial offering low fares. Crash in an airlines commercial good idea? Sixty per cent of online voters think it's stupid.

Final word on Tiger: Racehorse named "Driveliketiger" scratched at Hollywood Park last week. Coincidence? I.....don'

Washington couple who crashed White House dinner as part of effort to get role on TV reality show decline to appear before Congressional committee. Guess that's a little too much reality.

White House also refuses to allow Social Secretary Desiree Rogers to testify, citing separation of powers. Not to mention who needs more publicity over such an embarrassing episode.

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs likens behavior of female White House correspondent aggressively asking question about Rogers to behavior of his 5-year-old son, tells her to "calm down." Some bloggers suggested "sexist" behavior. Hey, he didn't accuse her of PMS.

Killer of four cops in Washington turns out to be criminal pardoned by Mike Huckabee when Governor of Arkansas. Mike meets Mike, Dukakis, that is. Bye, bye presidential run in 2012.

Sarah Palin apparently still in it, if book tour any indication. She's made so much money from book she may be able to buy own clothes for next campaign.

Levi Johnston, father of Sarah's unwed daughter's child, poses for Playgirl. Fifteen minutes and ? inches of fame?

Palin speaks at Gridiron Dinner in Washington (funfest for media and politicians). Says when she came down from her hotel room, she could see Russian Embassy.

Comcast taking over NBC Universal, which is losing about $600 million a year. Jeff Zucker to remain as chief executive. He must have pictures of somebody with a duck.

NBC's Meet The Press promos "exclusive" interview with John McCain. Boy, that must have been hard to get.

"Britain Has Talent" singing sensation Susan Boyle set to sell million copies of debut CD. Probably because her fans don't know how to download. Beyonce, Taylor Swift, eat your glamorous hearts out.

Anybody remember Dec. 7 is Pearl Harbor Day? My generation's 9/11.