06/05/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

News Update

President Barack Obama completes 100 days in office. Never have so many pundidiots talked so much for so little a stretch of time. If all the 100-days so-called analysis were laid end-to-end, Obama's term would go back to 1776. Consensus: Bo has a very high approval rating.

But we can be thankful that's all behind us. No!!!! Wait!!!! CBS News is going to do the next 100 days. White House says they hope CBS gets to do the next 300 days. Heh, heh.

SpongeBob SquarePants celebrates 10th anniversary. Christian Right Kooks still trying to out him.

"Lost" observes 100th episode. And still nobody knows what the hell is going on.

Justice Souter resigns from Supreme Court. Too bad he's not a role model for Clarence Thomas. Diversity advocates point out there are no Hispanics on court, nor midgets, Muslims, or recovering alcoholics. Take note, Mr. Obama.

Republican leaders charge Obama speaking in "code" when talking about Souter's replacement. Better than Republicans speaking in tongues.

Arlen Specter switches to Democratic Party, acknowledging that he would probably not win Republican primary contest. First duty of a politician is to get elected. But can he win Democratic primary? Not by announcing he won't be a "loyal Democrat."

Republicans gearing up to figure out how to keep Norm Coleman's challenge to election results going until 2014. Even so, Al Franken writing jokes for inaugural Senate address.

Chrysler declares bankruptcy. Where's Lee Iacocca when we need him? Decision leaves company controlled by Fiat, UAW and US Government. Good luck.

Obama urges Americans to buy American-made cars. Sir, may we ask if that includes Toyota, Nissan and Honda? But certainly not Pontiac, which is being muscled out of the market.

Improbable longshot Mine That Bird wins Kentucky Derby. How did he do it? Mine That Bird flu. (Groan).

Fortunately for horse racing, this year the trainer had a broken leg instead of a horse.

For first time ever, Kentucky Derby called by a British race caller.
At least it wasn't outsourced to India.

Pork Industry demands name change for swine flu since it has nothing to do with pigs. OK, how about Bankers' Flu? Or financial institution CEO's flu?

Egypt orders slaughter of pigs anyway although WHO says it's totally unnecessary. Egypt is predominantly Muslim country, Muslims don't eat pork, pigs mostly raised by Christians. So much for swine flu being non-political.

First cases of swine flu reported in Mexico. New meaning to Montezuma's revenge?

China quarantines Mexicans in China. Mexico threatens to retaliate by making Chinese restaurants in Mexico serve Mooshu Pork wrapped in tortillas.

Obama announces proposed crackdown on offshore tax havens, which reportedly enable US corporations to evade billions of dollars in taxes. Republicans react negatively. So what's new?

Newt Gingrich has Poped. That's right, Poped It's not what you think. It means he's converted to Catholicism. Catholic hierarchy overlooks two divorces, just as it overlooks so many other things.

Meghan McCain, John's daughter, says Republicans are scared "sh.tless" by changing political environment. Wrong, Meghan. Most Republicans are still full of sh.t.