09/25/2005 11:50 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

News Update for Sept. 25

The President’s approval ratings plummet. Is anyone surprised that George W. Bush turned out to be George W. Bush?

A horse named “Thanks Dubya” ran in the Foolish Pleasure Breeders’ Cup at Calder Race Track on Saturday. Finished dead last. When you’re hot, you’re hot. And when you’re not, you’re not.

Anti-war protesters stage demonstration in front of White House. Speakers include Ralph Nader. Yo, Ralph, you has-been, in case you forgot, it was you who got Bush elected!

Martha Stewart hosts a second “Apprentice” show with catch phrase “You just don’t fit in.” C’mon now, you didn’t really expect her to say, “Outta here, bitch!” did you?

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist sells stock in family company just before bad news causes it to drop sharply. Senator, emulating Martha will not get you your own TV show.

Pat Robertson says Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing anger that “avowed lesbian” Ellen DeGeneres was selected to host the Emmy Awards. (You can’t make up stuff like this). Wait ‘til Pat finds out that God is a gay, black woman.

Pope Benedict XVI to ban homosexuals as priests. Vatican to merge with 700 Club?

Gov. Schwarzenegger to veto bill permitting gay marriage in California. Now you really know he’s running for re-election.

Supermodel Kate Moss loses several jobs after alleged use of cocaine. Even if it was only diet coke?

US Senate considering a bill to increase penalties for obscenity on the air. It’s about time they went after potty-mouthed Vice Presidents.

Justice Department recruits FBI agents for a new anti-obscenity squad, which it describes as “one of its top priorities.” Hoping to catch Osama Bin Laden reading Hustler Magazine?