06/23/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Ready, Aim, Sing: You Gotta Have Guns!

You Gotta Have Guns,
All you really need is guns,
Guns are how the Bill of Rights shows its teeth,
And fathers bequeath their sons.

You gotta be armed,
Or your loved ones might get harmed,
When you're packin'
You're the land of the free --
No one should be alarmed.

With an AK-47...
You'll be standin' big and strong...
You can blast 'em straight to heaven...
Though it's not where they belong.
(A better spot is somewhere hotter.)

You Gotta Have Guns,
Piles and piles and piles of guns,
When the IRS appears at your door,
Just give 'em what-for
Right in the buns,
Oh, you gotta have guns!

We stand tall,
When the guv'mint comes to call,
Don't give in to any socialist plot,
Those traitors have got to fall.

We reload,
That's our patriotic code,
They ain't even seen the worst of us yet,
Ready, get set -- explode!

We've got bullets and we plan good...
We're just waitin' for a sign...
With our shiny metal manhood...
Like an extra piece of spine.
(You're never stifled with a rifle.)

We need guns,
Ev'rybody totin' guns,
New militias sproutin' ten at a time,
So get off the dime
And join the Huns...

That's why we stand around at rallies, makin' a fuss,
The Second Amendment's always tops with us!
And we're proud to say:
We've got guns!
Tons o' guns!
We've got guns!!!

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Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at