04/14/2010 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Science? Who Needs It?

Me and the missus, we step on the scale the other day -- she's down a pound, I'm down almost two.

So what's all this hooey about an obesity crisis?

But that's all you hear from the lamestream media, am I right? You're getting fatter, I'm getting fatter. Everyone's getting fatter. So how come I'm losing weight? And how come the missus is losing weight? You think the scale is lying to us?

The scale doesn't lie.

Unlike plenty of media types I can think of.

Unlike plenty of scientists I can think of, with their "theories" and their "models" and all the rest of that stuff. I've got the evidence that matters -- right there on the bathroom floor in totally accurate black and white.

Me and the missus, between us we're down almost three pounds, and that's just this week. Multiply that by 52 weeks a year and you're talking really big numbers. Multiply that by 300 million people or whatever it is we have now in this county and it should be pretty obvious -- obesity's the last thing anyone needs to be worried about.

And the same for the world. I mean, how many pictures do you have to see of starving children in some country you never even heard of? Not obese children -- starving! So where's all this obesity? It's just another made-up issue, like global warming.

Not that you ever hear that side of it. All you hear about is the so-called experts at the Center for This and the Institute of That, and how obesity is everywhere and everybody has to change their eating habits right this minute and exercise an hour every day or we're all doomed.

So let me ask you: When's the last time you saw a fat nutritionist?

Seriously. They go to these conferences of theirs, and I'll bet there's a couple hundred nutritionists and researchers in some hotel, scaring each other to death with their latest "data" and all these "obesity-makes-you-sick" stories they love to pass around. You think they even notice there isn't one fat guy in the entire room?

So how's that an epidemic?

But they ignore all that. They'd rather tell us "Do this" and "Don't do that" and exactly how to live our lives. Like they're so smart and the rest of us wouldn't know how to cross the street by ourselves without getting run over by a truck.

If the Lord was so worried about obesity, He wouldn't have made UltraPlus-size dresses and 52-inch belts, am I right? What does that tell you?

But good luck trying to get that side of the story out -- they don't want to hear it! That's because if we knew what was really going on, instead of what they want us to think is going on, it'd throw over all their big-government, peeping-through-the-keyhole plans for the rest of us.

You just know -- and I think I even saw something about this somewhere -- you just know that they're already putting together these master lists of government-approved foods and government-regulated portion sizes. Next thing you know, you want an extra piece of the rhubarb pie after dinner some night, you'll have to fill out a form for some bureaucrat!

They think we're too stupid to make our own decisions. They think we ought to believe what "science" says instead of what we can see for ourselves with our own two eyes.

What a bunch of hot air!

Rick Horowitz is a syndicated columnist. You can write to him at