"Ethical slut" sounds oxymoronic to many, but not to me. I believe in integrity, and I love sex.
But in writing my column The New 60 for The Advocate and The Good Men Project, I've found that talking openly about my active sex life bothers many readers. Sex, like money, is one of the subjects most of us were raised to not talk about openly. Acknowledging an active sex life is tantamount to saying "I am a slut" in our puritanical culture. Frankly, I am over this repressed point of view.
That said, I am a teacher, a writer and a psychotherapist committed to honesty and ethical treatment of the self, others and the community. The integration of ethics and a sex-positive way of life is a challenge -- a wonderful and rewarding challenge.
I have begun to write a Q-and-A column as The Ethical Slut on the OUT NYC hotel's cultural blog The MANIFESTO. It is a forum for gay and gay-friendly readers to ask tough questions about sex, relationships and love. This has taken us into provocative territory, addressing monogamy vs. open relationships, disclosure of STDs, the incest taboo and the ethical incorporation of fetish and alternative behaviors (amongst consenting adults) -- so far...
Perhaps not surprisingly, the response has been intense. I fully expect that some colleagues might not appreciate my perspective, but once again, I am willing to be a lightning rod for controversy if it can facilitate discussion. I firmly believe that whenever someone says, "Why do you have to talk or write about it?" they are consciously or unconsciously reinforcing attitudes that are grounded in shame. Let's be shame busters and speak our truth.
I am not alone as an unashamed ethical slut!