10/22/2010 07:02 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Ireland Decides to Invade the Cayman Islands "To Get Some Cash"

Ireland's Prime Minister this morning announced, to a hushed parliament, that he was declaring war on the Cayman Islands.

Mr. Cowen said, "We have spent the past three years struggling with austerity measures and initiatives to re-invigorate our economy. Nothing has worked."

"Meanwhile we have an under-utilised military which could easily take out the Caymans and clean out its banks, thereby providing us with much-needed cash."

"This idea occurred to us last week, and frankly we are surprised that none of our smart-assed economists thought of it. We checked it out on Wikipedia and it turns out the Cayman Islands have 'no regular military forces'. This will be a walk in the park."

"Our men and women in uniform will also most likely get a tan," added the Irish Minister for Defense.

Mr. Cowen also indicated that, depending on the success of the Caymans venture, he will consider declaring war on Saudi Arabia "to get cash and oil," but also for deeper ethical reasons. Sources close to the Irish leader say he regards Saudi Arabia's ban on alcohol as "gravely immoral."

Former US president George W. Bush said that Ireland's idea was "a good one" and that it reminded him of "the sort of thing I did while in office." Bush also advised Mr. Cowen to ignore what the UN thinks about it as they are "dork-wads."