10/31/2012 08:47 am ET Updated Dec 31, 2012

The Commitment Conundrum

Dear _____,

You aren't doing yourself any favors by breaking your commitment. You have rationalizations and justifications for why it's okay, sure, but none of them are the honest truth about why you are going back on your word.

Tell yourself whatever fictional stories you want to make yourself feel better, but the real reason you backed out is because you're terrified that you're not strong enough to make things work. Unfortunately for you, that fear has been -- and is going to continue -- holding you back your entire life.

You don't understand commitment. To you, commitment is something that you keep conditionally and as long as it is convenient to do so, but the moment it gets tough or challenging you simply recede and flee in search of something better.

It is natural to think that you will have it easier somewhere else -- but you won't. Perhaps you'll even convince yourself that you're a champion looking for a new set of challenges -- but you're not. You're a victim looking for a new set of circumstances.

The realization you are missing is that commitment is not about finding the perfect circumstance; it's about dictating a certain choice. It's not about making the right decision; it's about making a decision and then making it right. You don't commit to things as long as they are easy, you commit to do whatever it takes to make them work, and then things become easier.

The conundrum of commitment is that every time you break one in search of something better, you are actually making your life worse. You are making yourself weaker and you are pre-destining yourself to be only further and further from what it is that you actually seek. Until you understand this principle, I promise you won't find anything better anywhere else.

In fact, you will only find yourself in the same identical situation in your next commitment. You'll be forever starting over, forever searching for something better, but forever losing to your fear and guaranteeing that your life will always and only be more of the same. It's just a matter of time.

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