There are so many things that I wish I'd known before filing for divorce. What's the cliche? Hindsight is 20/20?
I would have saved time, money and heartache (maybe even some of my sanity) if I'd known these pointers before filing for my own divorce. If you are filing for divorce please pay attention to these 6 things and learn from my mistakes!
1. Your divorce is going to take twice as long as you think it will.
However long you estimate that your divorce will take to complete, double that number. Yes, double it. Why? Because of the court system, attorneys, your ex and your own indecisiveness. Double how long you think it will take and learn to live with that timeframe.
2. It is going to cost twice as much as you think too.
Attorneys love divorce because it's two people acting irrationally that will pay lots of money to make their former spouse suffer. Cha-ching. Figure out how much you think you'll spend and double that number. Once you stop hyperventilating, realize that this is probably how much you'll have to fork over to your legal team. Now you get to figure out how you're going to raise that much cash. (Organ harvesting? Pot store? Sorcery? A Kickstarter campaign?)
3. Your ex is going to hate you. At least momentarily.
It doesn't matter how nice you try to be to your Ex, he's going to hate you. That's just how divorce works. Hopefully once the divorce is finalized, you'll be able to mend your relationship. One day you might actually be able to be in the same room. Maybe you can progress to eye contact. Maybe. It's something to hope for.
4. Don't worry. His entire family will hate you too.
He hates you, so in turn his entire family will now hate you. Don't bother sending a Christmas card or writing something nice on his brother's Facebook page. They are gonna despise and detest you. That's their job. You're the enemy. You are to be group hated. Suck it up. On the plus side you will be a wonderful common enemy and his entire family will grow closer as a result. Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?
5. You are going to feel like a big steaming pile of poo.
Feeling lost? Feeling sad? Feeling like you want to wear stained yoga pants and drink wine from a box? Yep. That's pretty normal. It happens to everyone. Even those people who seem so outwardly unscathed are secretly eating cold leftovers alone late at night. This feeling-like-poo-phase will end. Promise.
6. Winston Churchill was right. If you're going through hell, keep going.
I love this quote and I do hope that the great statesmen actually said it because it is the truth. I've tried every way I can to sidestep my own vacation through hell, but there's no going around it. No secret passageways or side exits to get you around it. When you are in a divorce, the only way through hell is to actually trudge your ass right through the middle of it, keep on going, and hope that you make it out the other side.
You'll be burned and bloody after your journey but hopefully you'll emerge a bit wiser too.