11/26/2014 01:27 pm ET Updated Jan 26, 2015

I'm Dreaming of a Black Friday

I'd like to add a few holidays to our already crowded holiday calendar:

Thanksgiving-Up: a day of gratitude for things about which we've said, "Screw it!"

St. Patricks Day After: an international day of barfing.

Immemorial Day: I can't remember what this one's for.

Belabor Day: a day for carrying a joke too far.

In the meantime, here's a song for a holiday that, as far as I know, has never had a song.