Things that have not changed in 2013
1. I still gag when I clean my ears with Q tips.
2. I still don't like to shower every day. I mean, I'm physically able to now, but I still don't really like to.
3. I sing everywhere -- the grocery store, the gym, the doctor's office. There is really no place that is off-limits.
4. I break into the robot everywhere as well. Just be prepared if you are with me and don't be embarrassed. There is always a beat in my head.
5. I still love and eat cheese, chocolate and lots of bread.
6. I am still awesome.
Resolutions for the New Year
1. Keep being awesome
2. Be brilliant
3. Love others well
These are my resolutions. These are attainable. These are deeply thought about and intricately me.
For some background, I'm a widow. Widowed at 30, deeply and madly in love with my husband and with two young children. Now, at 32, I'm back in the dating world. I haven't really dated since my early 20's and now as a mother, widow and traumatic brain injury survivor, I'm dating and I'm somehow supposed to know how. At this stage in my life, I don't have time to play games or act like I'm in my early 20's. I'm a grown woman who has known love so deep. I am a mother of two of the most precious and resilient children.
Recently, I was intrigued by someone and him by me. Games ensue though and I'm far from being in a place where I have the flexibility, spontaneity or patience to play games. That once was exciting. Now, I'm a straight shooter. In a recent text conversation he told me, "You're really something else."
"Why am I something else?"
"You're just, I'm not sure, cocky"
My almost immediate response: "No, I'm sure. Sure is different from cocky."
"No, I'm sure. Of who I am and what I want."
I've never been called cocky before and so it really gave me pause to think. Is that how people see me? Am I cocky? What do I do that's cocky? And really? Cocky? What a crappy word. I do not think I'm cocky. At all. And I have now used that word enough for the next several years of my life so I will not be using it any more. To me, (word that shall not be named) means arrogant, competitive, self-seeking and may I repeat, competitive. My New Year's resolutions are neither arrogant nor competitive.
In, 2014, I will continue to be awesome. I will wake every day and be awesome. Wake up -> Be awesome -> Go to Bed -> Repeat. I will not disappoint myself. I will be awesome. Not by your standards, not to compete with your awesomeness or be awesomer. I will be the best me that I can be and that is awesome. Then I will sleep and start all over again the next day.
In 2014, I will be brilliant. Again I will be brilliant on my own accord. Not more brilliant than you or any other person, not in competition with you, not in an attempt to be someone others think is brilliant, but I will be brilliant in my life. I will find the last pack of M & M's in the back of the cupboard to add to our microwave popcorn on family movie night. I will make a treasure hunt with clues leading to a surprise for my kids. I will push beyond my own self to love others as well as I can. I will paint my kitchen again if I decide to. I will smile at strangers, hug strangers if they need one. I will be brilliant.
1n 2014, I will love others well. I will continue to do what I can when I can. It may not look like enough to you. It may look like too much but I will love others the way that only I know how. I will not compete to be the best at loving others. I will not compete to be the best friend, mother, daughter, sister. I will just do what I know best and authentically love others. Love others well.
These three resolutions are why I believe I am not (word that shall not be named). I am more than aware of my limitations and imperfections. I have made it through this past year encountering them, learning from them, and sometimes repeating them (sigh). However, I have done my best not to compare myself, not to assume that Tracey or Abby or Laura or whoever is doing it better than me. In 2013 through trials, life lessons, disappointments, celebrations, failures and successes I have found me. I have the best understanding of me that I have ever had in my life.
I am proud of me.
I am sure of who I am.
I am awesome.
And in 2014 I will continue to be awesome. Join me. :)