Welcome to my annual Oscars Party! This year's theme is The Fork Awakens! Let me take your Coat Winslet, you sure look like you're ready to Hateful Ate. Danish, girl, please, kick your shoes off, get cozy, and let's get ready for four hours of string instruments. We've asked Leonardo to sit in the Alicia Viklaundry room, as he was only invited as a joke and his vape pen makes the food go cold. Please, take this Chris Block of cheese to start and prepare to get Fat Damon, eat a Fury Load and make yourself Sicario. En-Joy!
As is custom, please begin your night with the traditional 45 Beers, taken via Body shot Team 12 and chased with Mus-Tang
If you prefer liquor don't fret, We Can't Live Without Cosmos, either. Rock and Mark Rylance Martini Scorceses and Winter on Fireball Whiskey is also available at the bar
Brie Lards on Steve Kabobs with a 50 Shades of Grey Poupon dipping sauce
Revanants on a Log
Charlotte Dumplings filled with Fried Saoirse-cked oysters
Trumbo Shrimp scampi on a bed of Gemnifer Lettuce
Dinner Carrolls were provided by George Miller, so...sorry they're completely silver
Ex Mahi Mahina tacos sprinkled with Bleuney cheese Maranated Swiss Tom Chardy leaves and Cate Blanchettamame on the side
Braised Anomolossobucco served with sautéed bok joy and Rashells and cheese McAdams.
The chef's opus: Bridge of Fries. This dish is a Chicken-fried Sylvester Steaklone that has been hand-dipped (hand-dipped!) in Michael Fassbuttermilk, breaded with Mad Flax and fried in boiling Martianmellow fluff. Served with a side of Cheetos Bale (which is a bale of cheetos)
Ridley Scottish Game Hen Prepared tableside by the 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out The Window and Disappeared, but now works for me doing this. Be prepared, this has a gAmy flavor
Pineapple Inside Out Cake dotted with Bryan Cranberries, Jennifer Jason Jujubees and Brooklyndor Truffles served a la mode with Room Raisin gelato
The Big Shortcake: An Aleflandro Iñárritu treat topped with Mad Max: Rocky Road ice cream and Straight Outta Compote drizzle, fa shizzle
Spotlight Brownies. This is California, after all
Hot Toddy Redmaynes
Don't forget your giftbag full of #OscarsSoWhite chocolate on the way out!
Thanks to Chefs and Contributors: Matt Laud, Christina Cody, Emma Chase, Philip Guidon and Bailey Roese. All gifs created by Giphy Editorial Director and string instrumentalist seat filler, Tyler Menzel.