My Susan Boyle Fears

05/21/2009 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

As Susan Boyle's stardom catapults to unknown and unimaginable heights, here is what I fear for the future:

  • The phrase, "He/She is no Susan Boyle" referring to the next unattractive person who competes on a reality show who doesn't have her talent.

  • Alternately, the phrase, "Pulling a Boyle" if someone is unattractive and surprises people by succeeding at something.
  • People yelling at me for calling Susan Boyle unattractive.
  • The Susan Boyle Movie (Working title: "I Dreamed a Dream") with Susan Boyle played by Hollywood Actress Anne Hathaway in heavy makeup.
  • The interviews with Anne Hathaway detailing her weight gain to play the role of Susan Boyle. (Anne Hathaway loves ice cream!)
  • The woman's magazine articles explaining Anne Hathaway's Ways To Lose Weight (And Fast!). (No more ice cream!)
  • Anne Hathaway's tearful Oscar speech when she wins Best Actress for her role as YouTube Singing Sensation Susan Boyle in "I Dreamed a Dream." (She could have never done it without Susan Boyle).
  • Anne Hathaway calling Susan Boyle on stage with her during her acceptance speech. (I do look forward to Susan Boyle saying something charming and Scottish).
  • Anne Hathaway/Susan Boyle duet at the Oscar ceremony with Sting as surprise guest.
  • The Susan Boyle Halloween costumes.