THE BLOG
11/25/2014 06:41 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2015

Home for Thanksgiving Dinner With Your Parents (and a Bit of Sex With Your Partner?)

Thanksgiving is upon us and with it all the rituals that allow Americans to feel good about being, well, American. It is also the holiday in which 46.3 million Americans will travel to visit family or close friends to celebrate the turkey, the football, the pumpkin pie and reconnect. But how are you supposed to connect with your partner or spouse during this time of huge family get-togethers, visits by the fireside with high school friends and board games with Grandpa?

Thanksgiving is a family holiday that Americans of all religions can celebrate but it lacks the one thing that couples need. Alone time. With so much expected of the reunion, I find couples generally don't make a game plan on how to sneak some time in for themselves. What generally happens is that one or both of you will become exhausted,feeling guilty, thankful to be with siblings and parents or at times ignored by a partner and there doesn't seem to be enough time to touch base emotionally and sexually.

Some couples may be forced to share a room with their kids due to lack of space at the house they're visiting. Some may be sleeping in twin beds in the room one of them grew up in. So there may be less privacy than usual, not to mention thin walls separating you and your parents' bedroom. There may be expectations of the host that have not been clarified to the "in-law" partner about what kinds of preparation duties is required and thus your time is not your own.

Here's my tip and it has worked for years with my clients for conquering the "when" part of the problem at Thanksgiving. Since I'm a former choreographer it of course involves a secret non-verbal signal. Plan a small movement that can't be interpreted differently that will let your partner know you want a smooch, a hug, or even a quickie in a secluded corner of the laundry room. There's fun in this too because it's a secret only the two of you share and involves spontaneity since you can't plan when you or your lover are going to do the move. It can be a biting of the lip (a la Anastasia in Fifty Shades), a rubbing of your earlobe, or rubbing your fingers together like Matthew McConaughey in his new Lincoln commercial. Or make a date via text to meet in the shower the following morning. Trying to keep quiet can be the challenge that makes you focus on other senses besides sound also upping the erotic dial.

If the surroundings of childhood soccer trophies don't do it for you, bring along a sleep mask and pretend you're in a European pension hotel where they still offer double beds to their guests. Whisper as you narrate the imaginary surroundings to your partner and she whispers back how you'll have fresh pasta with porcini mushrooms the next day (versus the leftover turkey and stuffing that inevitably await). Imagination and play, planning the signal and letting yourself off the hook of being the perfect son or daughter-in-law or relative will allow you to get some "sexy time" (to quote Borat) in with your main squeeze this Thanksgiving. And then won't the two of you be ever so thankful!