11/14/2010 01:08 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

NFL Week 10 - Tweet Dreams

Hypothetical tweets from real NFL figures!

@JayCutler6 This year for the holidays I'm buying Laz-E-Boy recliners for all my offensive linemen. #makesuretheyrereturnable

@SeanWSpoon56 The best thing about playing Thursday night was that Le'Ron McClain's salivary glands had a short week to prepare for the game. #facefacts

@tchoice23 Coach Garrett said he was going to change our team's culture, so he has us listening to classical music and going to art museums. #princetonguy

@KevinBossman Hakeem Nicks, stop sending "care packages" to the UNC football players! #impermissiblebenefits

@thecooleyzone Hey, Clinton Portis, since you're such a Phillies' fan, move to Philly and sabotage their football team instead of ours. #notanatsfan

@mikevick You can't blame the Redskins - Rex Grossman's won just as many Super Bowls as Donovan McNabb. #notsayingmuch

@Nate13Burleson Round and round the injury demon goes. Who's our quarterback this week? Nobody knows. #definitelynotstafford

@Percy_Harvin All this talk about Brett's streak and Chilly's getting fired is giving me a migraine. #thoughtwewerepastthis

@AaronRodgers12 Since we have our bye week Donald Driver's looking for a donor for a body transplant. #lotsofluck

@EarnestGraham Win or lose, nobody on the other team goes anywhere near LeGarrette Blount on the field after the game. #wonderwhy

@JonVilma51 Is @Pierre_Thomas ever coming back? #greatpumpkin

@JimmyClausen Why do our fans keep asking me how long my contract runs? #camnewton

@CL7TWO (Chris Long) @sj39 (Steven Jackson) said his finger might prevent him from playing, so I told him to cut it off. #127Hours

@SBreaston15 Thank goodness we play in the NFC West - can you imagine what our record would be if we played in a real division? #no

@PatrickWillis52 Troy Smith says he's more excited for this week's game than he was when he faced Michigan in college. #doubtful

@PeteCarroll Hmm, do I start @Hasselbeck (Matt Hasselbeck) or Charlie Whitehurst this week? #JimZorn #notmuchofachoice

@Brian Hartline Can Chad Pennington even throw the ball any more? #shovelpassasadeepthrow

@LeighBodden Maybe we would have been better off keeping @r81m (Randy Moss) #toolatenow #hedoesntplaydefense

@Mark_Sanchez Coach Ryan has challenged his twin brother, Rob, to a sack race at halftime. #helpivefallenandicantgetup

@leeevans83 We tried to get Al Michaels to broadcast our game against the Lions, but he turned us down. #doyoubelieveinmiracles

@86hinesward Remember when people speculated Ben Roethlisberger's suspension would ruin our season? #quicktoforget

@Steve20Slaton We'll never get to the playoffs with Gary Kubiak as our coach. #sadbuttrue

@ChrisJohnson28 @r81m (Randy Moss), meet your new quarterback, Kerry Collins. You'll recall that his team knocked your team out of the playoffs in 2001. #geethanks

@PierreGarcon85 Hey, Donald Brown, don't get hurt - you're our only healthy running back. #pagingEdgerrinJames

@Jones_Drew32 If we win against Houston this Sunday, the Texans should just disband after the game. #maybetheyllmovetoLAinstead

@raylewis52com I'm gonna bite the head off the next fool who asks me about@LeRonMcClain33 #ravenlunatics

@terrellowens Hey, Carson Palmer, I didn't recognize you because you weren't lying on your back. #OchoCincosaidthattoo

@JoshCribbs16 Colt McCoy, Jake Delhomme and Senecca Wallace have volunteered to make your meals for the rest of the season. #hireatastetester

@dmcfadden20 Al Davis is a bit giddy - he's already asking us about our design preferences for our Super Bowl champion rings. #justatadpremature

@superdj56 (Derrick Johnson) Too bad Matt Cassel wasn't on our team when he was a rook. #badchesspuns

@AntonioGates85 Just to mess with Philip Rivers we're going to start the Jonas brothers at wide receiver this week and see if he notices the difference. #hellstillthrowfor300yds

@knowshonmoreno If you don't stop asking me about Peyton Hillis, I'm gonna go all Manny Pacquiao on you. #readytorumble