09/05/2014 04:21 pm ET Updated Nov 05, 2014

Here Is Really Why Airlines Are Shrinking Your Leg Room

In the past couple of weeks, no less than three physical fights have broken out between passengers on commercial planes over the right to recline their seats. All three flights had to be diverted to alternate airports in response.

However, given that the average leg room on most American carriers has declined by a full 2-3 inches, is it really that hard to understand why some passengers lose it when the person in front of them reclines their seat?

After all, it's bad enough you have to wait on long security lines while ex-cons in TSA uniforms force you to strip down to your underwear and take away your toothpaste because it's a threat to national security, and you are not legally allowed to slap that stupid kid whose parents think the airplane is a natural playground for their child, but now you also have to have your knees broken as if you owed money to the mob?

This situation is obviously bizarre but I think there is more to the story than just a few sensitive passengers. I think the airlines are shrinking your leg room deliberately and here are the Top 10 reasons why:

10. They secretly want passengers to fight so that they can turn their airline into a highly lucrative WWF franchise.

9. They believe that by forcing the issue, humans will eventually evolve to have thinner legs so that the airlines can pack even more passengers onto each flight.

8. The FAA has told them they can shrink leg room as much as they want just as long as the average passenger's legs can still be jammed into the space with a hammer.

7. The CEOs of the airlines fly first class and couldn't give a f---k about the poor shmucks in economy.

6. The flight attendants have gotten bored with simply being rude to passengers so now they need a new way to rile you up.

5. If they actually gave you more leg room in economy (or edible food for that matter) you wouldn't spend the money on a first class ticket. It's called blackmail, or rather...airmail.

4. They are introducing a special 'mystery flight' program where adventurous travelers can get on a plane to boring Omaha and be pleasantly surprised when they wind up in exciting New York instead.

3. They are hoping that someone will punch Justin Bieber's lights out when he tries to recline his seat. Come on, admit it - you've dreamed of doing that!

2. They are working with the FBI to find a one-legged criminal who wears a prosthetic - just look for the passenger who doesn't scream when his leg is crushed.

...and the #1 reason airlines are shrinking your leg room:

1. They intend to patent this new form of torture and sell it to ISIS.

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