THE BLOG
09/23/2014 04:49 pm ET Updated Nov 23, 2014

Top 10 Reasons Investment Firm ISIS Equity Is Changing Its Name

A London based private equity firm with the regrettable name ISIS Equity is changing its name to -- well, anything else... I don't blame them. Life has been pretty tough for the ISIS guys lately and I think there are many reasons why the firm's management came to this extremely difficult decision:

10. Whenever someone visits their office and the assistant says "ISIS is ready for you", their guests run away screaming.

9. Their employees now refuse to work on any Muslim holidays.

8. They have 500 branded gym bags that no one wants anymore.

7. Their website keeps getting hacked by the Iraqi government and the Pentagon.

6. When they were recruiting for an analyst, the only one who showed up for an interview was a former member of Al Qaeda.

5. They got tired of going to restaurants and having the waiters hide all the knives.

4. It's become impossible to sell their investments since no one wants to negotiate with ISIS.

3. They are afraid no one will show up to their Christmas Party this year.

2. They are afraid that the real ISIS might show up to their Christmas Party this year.

...and the number one reason that ISIS Equity is changing its name...

1. After the third U.S. airstrike on their office, they got the hint.

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