05/13/2014 02:43 pm ET Updated Jul 13, 2014

How to Deal With Haters


Haters seem to spring up when we try to a great job. A critic of your parenting skills, your relationship status (or lack thereof), how you dress, where you live or your weight. Maybe you smile too much, or not enough. At the end of all the haters' catcalls is an invitation to low self-esteem and self-loathing-ville.

Haters can affect us in two ways. They may creep out and attack us for things we are doing or sharing. Or the idea of them can prevent us from moving forward and expressing our true self. Both are detrimental to our spirit.

Many of my life coaching clients express their fear of moving forward because of what haters might say or do. If they publish the book, or leave the job in corporate, what will those around them think?

Are you actually allowing what people could say to stop you from following your own heart?

The best way to get rid of negativity is to build self-confidence.

Some people take great joy in pointing out our flaws, imperfections or inadequacies.

If you have negativity in your life or haters trying to bring you down, or if you are worried about expressing a part of yourself fully because of potential haters, then these simple steps can help.

1. Feel Your Feelings

One of my friends is cautious to write his first book because he is worried about what his family will say. It can be tough to fully put yourself out there. Even if you are not a writer, we all have dreams and goals that require us to step forward into the unknown. This process can feel scary, until you look at your feelings and express your authentic self.

The more you express your true self and real feelings, the more the world will respond. When you do things, write a song or follow your heart and leave a job you hate, you may feel backlash from society or people close to you, aka haters. But rest assured, when you are doing it for the right reasons, you will feel more freedom and happiness than you ever thought possible.

The key is to be present with your feelings and process them. If you feel burned by a friend or hurt by the strangers commenting on your blog, feel the feelings fully.

2. Detach From Defending

It can be tempting to fight fire with fire, but in the history of mankind this has never worked. More importantly, you are coming down to the level of the hater. What they want is to get your attention. And by defending yourself or attacking them, you give them that.

Instead, go inward and ask yourself where in your life you feel unsafe or ungrounded? From a spiritual energetic standpoint, haters and judgmental people come at us when we are feeling vulnerable. Instead of feeling victimized, become accountable and protect yourself by asking, "What can I do to feel more confident and secure?"

3. Express Love

Recognize what people say and do is a reflection of them not you, so believing what they say is your choice. You can choose love and self-worth by aligning yourself with your inner truth. When negative comments bring you down, surround yourself with love and focus on the positive.