Time to be truthful with myself and you! As a licensed marriage and family therapist, and as someone who helps people overcome their fears to get unstuck, I recently discovered one of my own. You see, this comes from the realization that we each create our own ball and chain, pile of rocks, or anchors that keeps us from leaping effortlessly in the direction we dream about. We create these immense reasons why we can't do, accomplish or create the life of our dreams.
We tell ourselves we are not ready, smart enough, strong enough, brave enough. Yada, yada, yada.
If you are at a place where you feel enough is enough, then the following will resonate with you!
For many years I thought, I'll be good enough when... I get the degree, I get the job, I get the money, I get the guy. Truth is, nothing changes once you get the degree, job, money or the guy! The crazy paradox is this: It is the internal illusion of not being good enough already that keeps us from the very things we want and dream about.
If you are like me, then you may wonder how the person next to you is so accomplished, makes so much money, interviews and gets all the positions they want, bids and gets the business at top dollar and always gets the guy. Yes that guy everyone wants to be with. We say, "Yeah, she's just a lucky bitch."
And truth is, she is no different than you or me.
Only minor variation is that she believes she can have the money, the position, the business, the guy, and untimely the life of her dreams.
So how do you get from point A to point B you ask.
It starts with believing you are good enough, just as you are. The secret to having it all is -- there is no secret. You must just believe that you are enough now. There is no smoke and mirrors and no fairy dust.
Here are five things that are probably contributing to your ball and chain.
1. Waiting for permission from someone. No one is an expert in your life except yourself. Only you know what direction you need to go and when. Someone else's opinion may only validate your direction but they cannot confirm it. You are the expert in your life, own it.
2. Worried you won't' be liked. Some will and some won't, period. Like attracts like, trust that the right people will be attracted to you for the sake of your greater purpose. Commit to your purpose.
3. Blaming yourself. What good ever comes out of blaming yourself? Of all my years as a therapist, I've never seen positive outcomes of blaming -- zero, zilch, nada! When we blame ourselves, we often use it as an excuse to defer responsibility and justify a lack of action on our part. We often confuse blame for responsibility. The big difference is, when we take responsibility, we acknowledge where we missed our mark and then we self-correct in the direction of our goal. Most importantly we keep moving. Own your part and keep moving!
4. Blaming others. Much like blaming ourselves, blaming others gives is permission to deflect responsibility on to others while giving us permission or justification to stall and not take action. You know what's coming, own it and stay on track.
5. You refuse to believe you are enough despite all the clues. You obviously got to where you are now somehow right? What are you not acknowledging about yourself that gives you clear evidence you are amazing and beyond good enough now? There is only one of you in the world that thinks like you, acts like you, and gives only what you have to give!! What are those clues? Identify them and own them, I promise no one can do these things as good as you can.
One of the foundational principles I use while helping my clients is identifying and owning their feelings of worthiness and being good enough about who they are and what they stand for. It is from this place of self-worth that your internal genius shows up so you can truly offer your gifts to the world. I am here to tell you -- you are good enough. Own it. Commit to it and see your life unfold.