Many of us will do anything to be right in an argument and like to win to the detriment of the other person, regardless of how they might feel. By having that mindset we lose big time, every time. My theory is that if when you are in a relationship, take the air out of as many stressful situations and disagreements as possible. Know which battles to fight and which to leave alone.
My husband Oli, slips in and out of a repetitive habit. He often says "Do you know what I mean?" at the end of a statement. Not only does it seem like he's always asking for validation and weakens whatever he's said, but it can also be quite annoying. Every time I mentioned this he got pissed with me, so I thought of a solution. I decided that because Oli loves movies I would ask him to name a different movie each time he said the forbidden phrase to help him stop. This made it fun, served to make him conscious of it and took the air out of what could have grown in to many arguments. With that in mind, here are 5 tips to help you win an argument.
TIP 1: You WIN if you 'Lose the Battle to Win the War'. Chose your battles with your partner. Don't pick them up on absolutely everything, you'll grind them down and crush the feelings they have for you as they will stop feeling free around you. If it's a really, really important battle to win or something really annoys you fine, but otherwise, with little things, just LET THEM GO! In the long term it will work to your benefit.
TIP 2: You WIN if you praise your partner for everything that they do that's great and pass up any opportunity to criticize them. If you think their hair looks great, say it. If they did something to please you, make sure that they know you noticed it, they'll want to keep doing great things for you, if they know you appreciate it.
TIP 3: You WIN if you say 'SORRY' when you've done something wrong and you say it quickly. Don't make everything in to a drama. Don't take hours to battle over the point and then say it. Remember, you're losing the battle to win the war. Don't waste precious time to love each other.
TIP 4: You WIN if you FORGIVE someone immediately when they say Sorry. Many people hold on to things for way too long, you must be able to move on quickly rather than let it get way out of proportion. Holding on to resentment can lead to physical illness!
TIP 5: You WIN if you're partner is upset with you, and you realize it is very likely for a good reason. You must listen to their reasons for not being happy with you.
As you can see my tips for 'winning' are about both winning, not making the other person feel less than or inadequate in any way. If you want your relationship to last try to come to agreements as quickly as possible, so that you can look back on your life together with very few regrets.
That's it for this week. If you like any of these tips pass the word round and you can e-mail me at sophie@howhappyis.com.