10/17/2012 01:09 pm ET Updated Dec 17, 2012

Obama Dumps Biden, Chooses Candy Crowley as His Running Mate

In a startling announcement, President Barack Obama has officially dropped Joe Biden from the Democratic ticket and chosen CNN newsperson Candy Crowley as his vice presidential running mate. "We've been looking for a good excuse to dump Biden," says Obama spokesperson Adam Hullifer." And Candy Crowley is just the person we need to really energize our campaign."

Following the Tuesday debate between Obama and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney at Hofstra University, many political insiders are not at all surprised by the White House's decision. "Ms. Crowley consistently articulates the President's policies and personal triumphs with more clarity, style, and force than the President himself," said Hullifer. "As she has proven so often in the past, she can really take the fight to Romney and Ryan and best of all -- she can fact-check herself whenever she says something wrong. Why we didn't think of her sooner is mystifying."

When informed of the news, Joe Biden reportedly smiled, laughed, grimaced, slapped his left thigh, then digressed into a long anecdote involving Irish soda bread.