Justin Bieber Claims to Have Been Sexually Harassed by Herman Cain

In another headache for Presidential hopeful Herman Cain, singing superstar Justin Bieber is the latest person to claim that he was sexually harassed by the Republican candidate and former pizza magnate. "Mr. Bieber cannot legally disclose what happened between himself and Mr. Cain in the late 1990s," said Bieber spokesperson Marshall Oppendole. "But, there was a settlement made by the National Restaurant Association which included a bouncy ball room and a lifetime of free parties at Chuck E. Cheese's."

Herman Cain's campaign advisor Walter Renelly dismissed the charge, noting that Bieber is simply attempting to deflect some of the heat caused by the recent paternity suit against him. Oppendole, in turn, blamed Australian teen sensation and Bieber rival Cody Simpson for leaking the story to the press, noting, "Cody has always had it in for Justin." Cody Simpson, who has the same manager as Bieber, blamed R&B singer Usher, saying, "If Usher had not discovered Bieber's videos online, Bieber would not be in the mess he's in today and would not need to claim that Herman Cain sexually harassed him."

In a further development, Usher spokesperson Thomas Kincail blamed former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, saying, "His 21st century contract with America simply won't work." When asked about any relationship to Bieber, Simpson, and/or Usher, Gingrich said, "I don't know who any of these people are."