THE BLOG
10/10/2014 04:51 pm ET Updated Dec 10, 2014

Leon Panetta Will Time Travel, Warn Former Presidents About Foreign Policy Decisions

As controversy continues to stir around the publication of his book Worthy Fights, former Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta has announced plans to time travel in order to warn former U.S. presidents about their bad foreign policy decisions. "Mr. Panetta will go back to various points in time, join the cabinets of different administrations and speak out about international blunders that will occur," says Panetta hindsight spokesperson Timothy Feillut. "Of course, if they don't listen to his counsel, he will return to the present and write more books about them."

Since the announcement, Panetta has already returned from successfully navigating the space-time continuum and is hard at work describing his years in the White Houses of William McKinley, Harry S. Truman, and Lyndon B. Johnson. In this exclusive excerpt from the upcoming Hey, Hey, LBJ: I TOLD You So!, Panetta writes:

I strongly advised President Johnson that Congress shouldn't pass the Gulf of Tonkin resolution and that really bad things would happen as a result. But, he simply wouldn't listen to me. It probably had something to do with my telling him I came from the future. But, hey, I tried. I mean, I really tried. Now, I have no choice but to write this book about it.

Next, Mr. Panetta will attempt to join the cabinets of White House administrations in the future. Says Eminiar VII, Chief of Staff for President Bristol Palin, "We know he's coming. We're ready. We're not saying a thing."