01/07/2011 05:36 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Obama Appoints Mr. Monopoly as Economic Advisor

In his continuing efforts to forge better ties with business, President Obama has appointed Rich Uncle Pennybags, aka Mr. Monopoly, as Chairman of the Economic Recovery Advisory Board. "Mr. Monopoly is a respected and well-liked member of the financial community," said Obama at a Marvin Gardens press conference earlier this afternoon. "Few Americans can boast the breadth of experience he brings from Baltic Avenue to Park Place."

The short, mustached Pennybags drove into the press conference on a silver howitzer, wearing a sash and proudly waving ten dollars that he recently won in a beauty contest. Pennybags, formerly Director of the Bureau of Economic Analysis and Top Hats under President Bill Clinton, is credited with increasing the mortgage value of Illinois Avenue and investing billions in new track and equipment for the Short Line Railroad. At today's press conference, Pennybags offered the chance of banks paying each United States citizen a dividend of up to fifty dollars but noted that such gains could be nullified if citizens are also assessed for community street repairs.

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce has enthusiastically embraced Pennybags, but some progressives are concerned that his appointment marks the President's continuing shift to the center. "How many more 'get out of jail free' cards will he give to banking officials?" asks's Ralph Fredonia, whose personal choice of former Federal Reserve Chairman Scrooge McDuck was rejected by the Obama administration.