The Academy Award nominations for 2012 films will be announced on Thursday, January 10; the following are the most likely contenders. Good luck to them all:
Filet of Prepubescent Love Smothered in Caramelized Whimsy
Tarantino's Latest Masturbatory Childhood Drive-In Regurgitation -- Excuse Me, Revisionist Genre Filmmaking Triumph
Tom Hooper Has Apparently Never Heard of Medium Shots
In the Next One, 007 Will Blame All His Problems on Not Getting a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas
I'd Consider Scientology If It Guaranteed Handjobs From Amy Adams
Octogenarians? Who Are Eternally Devoted to Each Other? This Must Be a Foreign Film
A Profound Lesson in Spirituality Courtesy of a $120 Million Computer-Generated Tiger
Tsunamis Wouldn't Dare Separate Anyone as Cute as Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor
Paraplegic Gettin' Some!
Bayou Wisdom to Delight Those Who Wouldn't Be Caught Dead Near a Bayou
Time Travel Doesn't Make Joseph Gordon-Levitt Look Remotely Like Bruce Willis
Tolstoy + Knightley x World-as-Stage Metaphor = Two Hours of Perfume Commercials
Bipolar Rom-Coms Sure Are More Entertaining Than Regular Ones
Steven Spielberg's Heapin' Bowl of Civil War Spinach
Endlessly Debating the Waterboarding Here Makes It OK to Ignore the Buckets of Blood Pouring Out of People's Heads in Every Other Film Around
Let's Send Michael Bay to Make a Nonexistent Film in Iran and Keep Him There Forever