Romney Suspends GOP Campaign, Endorses Himself, Re-enters Race as 'Pow!' Romney

Following his loss to Newt Gingrich in Saturday's South Carolina Republican primary, Mitt Romney suspended his campaign, then immediately endorsed himself as the best candidate for the Republican presidential nomination. "The last week has been very disappointing, which is why I must drop out of the race," said Romney to a group of confused supporters. "However, since I remain the most qualified person, I therefore endorse myself and am once again a candidate for the office of president of the United States."

According to Romney strategists, the former Massachusetts Governor plans to re-enter the race using the name "Pow!" Romney instead of Mitt Romney. "The plan is brilliant," said "Pow!" Romney spokesperson Henry Kurlick. "Not only will Romney gain momentum in the polls by simply re-entering the race, but his endorsement of himself will influence millions of voters who liked Mitt Romney and will like the completely re-branded and exciting 'Pow!' Romney even more." Tea Party member Milton Tingle supports the idea, noting, "'Pow!' Romney is the name of someone who will take the fight to Obama. And it's fun to say. Pow!"

Though questions still remain as to whether "Pow!" Romney can be officially added to the remaining Republican primary ballots, many are wondering if Romney's name change is simply more evidence of his penchant for flip-flopping. "I have always been called 'Pow!' by my friends and business partners," said Romney, who insists that his tax records are all under the name "Pow!" When asked when these records will be released to prove the name exists, Romney dropped out of the GOP race a second time, then re-entered under the name "Basil."