02/24/2011 12:06 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

President Walker, David Koch Is Calling From Moscow!

"Mr. President Walker, David Koch on the line from Moscow. He says his wife flushed his phone down the hotel toilet, so he's borrowing the Russian ambassador's phone."


"Hello Mr. Koch."

"Halo Scoout, how it hang?"

"Fine sir. What's on your mind sir?"

"I wanting know wut you plan."

"Plan for what sir?"

"Tell me of secret plan for respond to Soviet...Tell me secret plan for respond to Rooshan people's invading of Teaxas."

"Well as you know sir, Texas is one of our principal allies in the moral and just fight against global liberalism and communism. We've taken many steps to insure that Texas' security is inviolable. As you know we've strung a human shield of illegal immigrants across the southern border. Two of our other allies, Oklahoma and Louisiana, border the great state to the north and east, each with substatial itchy trigger fingered populations of your, Xe, security contractors. New Mexico is considered to be an impassable wasteland now the we have destroyed the national highway system with neglect. That leaves the coastline as the only tenable invasion route from which to strike, Deep In The Bowels of Texas."

"Deip In The Bowel of Teaxas. This last is make funny, no?"

"No sir, deeply begging your pardon, that is the code name the Pentagon has given the probable invasion route."

"Teaxas have much oil and gas, Teaxas must be protect."

"Yes sir...I was getting to that."

"Say then."

"Well, as we know that your headquarters are now safely in Wichita. We feel that the most cost effective plan will be to allow the Russians to invade unopposed and then nuke the place until it glows, having sent the evacuation signal over Rush Limbaugh's 24 hour radio does he do that all our God fearing and freedom loving Republican allies."


"Sir??? It's a bold plan I know, but it serves two of our long standing goals. It gets rid of invading Ruskie commies, teaches them a lesson about how American freedom can act unilaterally without regard to the welfare of the riff raff, and it will vaporize any remaining liberal commie America haters that may have been hiding there, waiting to join the godless Ruskies when they come. And...and, it won't hurt the oil fields and refineries because they will not be targeted. They'll just be a little radioactive for a while. And...and...and, since radiation has been proved, along with green house gasses and edible mercury to be perfectly safe, thanks to your PR campaigns, we can just send everybody that we evacuated back and have the perfect liberal and commie free conservative state."

"Uh, how you say? Uh, briliyunt."

"We're quite proud of it sir. Of course we wouldn't have been able to make such a plan if you hadn't convinced the rank and file dupes in the GOP that radiation was their friend. We are grateful...Did I adequately express how grateful we are?"

"Da...uh...yes. Hangging up now. (click)."

"G...goodbye sir. (shouting) Did I tell you how much I'm like Reagan??? (whimpering) Did I tell you I sleep with my Louisville Slugger???"

"President and CEO of KGB For Life Putin thanks you for taking his call. (click)"


I ask you, is the punking of Scott Walker as damaging as the Nixon Whitehouse tapes?