In addition to being a world-renowned comedian, talk show host, philanthropist, husband and father, Steve Harvey is the Chief Love Officer of online dating site Delightful. He draws on his personal experiences and the stories that millions of people have shared with him over the years to help more people find and keep the love they deserve.
I hear it all the time--Steve, how can I attract a man who has his act together? I need a partner with goals! A steady job! A car that actually runs! Ladies, you're not asking for too much. You deserve to be with a man who behaves like an adult and takes responsibility. You really do.
There is no guarantee the first man with a good job and a nice home that comes along will be your true love, but you do need to keep your standards high. If you won't be happy supporting your partner financially in the long run, never agree to do so--even temporarily--in the short run. Decide on your non-negotiables and stick to them.
The first thing I'll say about attracting a better man is you have to remove your own blinders. Be real with me. Are you eliminating dozens of potential suitors for superficial reasons? I'm not saying you aren't allowed to have romantic preferences, but make sure you take them out of the drawer and look them over a little before deciding what really matters to you. Does your man really have to be taller than you? I'm asking you to dig into your own perceptions and think about who you're eliminating when you're on autopilot out in the world.
If you've opened your mind, oftentimes you also have to broaden your scope, widen the net. You have to appear available to more people. One of the reasons I created Delightful.com is so that women who are not hunters by nature will have more opportunities to connect with great men who might be just outside of their circles.
Now, let's get down to business. Make sure your own house is in order, so when a good catch swims by, you stand out.
Cut out the games. If there's a part of you who can't get enough of the players of the world, you're going to need to hit the reset button. I'm serious. The best kind of man isn't going to patient about being toyed with, and he's not going to stick around for long if you've got multiple irons in the fire. If you want to attract a better man, stop texting three dudes at once and flirting with five more. Focus, set high standards, and give a good man a chance to get to know the real you.
Maintain the right attitude. I get it. You want to fall in love with Prince Charming and you want to do so immediately. If you've been disappointed in the past it can be exhausting to keep trying--and especially tough to do so with good outlook. But it's important not to allow yourself to set up camp in Bitter-ville or Sarcasm-land.
Women who regularly get together to complain about their lives aren't doing themselves any favors. Instead, they're cutting themselves off from possibilities by deciding that what they want isn't even possible.
To attract a better man, you have to know in your heart that he's out there and you'll meet him when the time is right. This confidence will become part of you and give off an attractive glow. Stomping around with anger and annoyance will only push the good ones away. No matter what you've heard, like attracts like. Find a way to maintain an open and patient attitude and a better man will come along.
Cool your love affair with social media. There's less and less of a divide between real life and online life. If you want to attract a good man, don't let your Facebook page look like some sort of tragic reality show. There's no reason for your Instagram account to document every night out you've had in the last year.
And as long as we're chatting about it, a bunch of long rants about any topic are not attractive. Think about the most successful, confident people in your life. How much time are they spending on social media? My guess is, not a whole lot. Tone it down.
Pursue your own interests without the goal of meeting a man. The happiest and most successful people you know are really into their work and interests, aren't they? Hint: so are the men you want to meet and attract. Get to know them by finding out what makes you smile and doing more of it.
Have a dating or relationship question for Steve? Share your Story here.
It's free to join Delightful, a dating site I created with love in mind, and here you can meet people who are looking for serious relationships.
From messaging do's and don'ts to first date tips to keys to keeping it fresh, you'll get valuable advice from me every step of the way.
Because we want to help you find love and keep it.
