07/19/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

AMA Recognizes Recession As A Disease

In an expected move, the American Medical Association the American Economic Association have released a joint statement determining the Recession to be a brain disease that can be successfully prevented and treated.

"For years those suffering from recessions have considered it a personal weakness," said Dr. Phillip Gramm. "Too embarrassed to admit their sickness, many times those afflicted Americans can completely ignore their myriad vacation homes, golden parachutes and inherited trusts, that I'm sure most of them have."

Scientists and economists now say that recession, once thought to be purely an economic condition is in actuality a chronic, relapsing brain disease characterized by compulsive and illusionary sensations of job loss, unaffordable health insurance, mortgage forfeiture, enormous fuel increases, ridiculous food prices, and what the American Psychiatric Association is calling, "general poorness."

Writing for the scientific bodies, Dr. Gramm, wrote that "these individuals and families suffer such imaginary pain that results from a complex interplay of biological vulnerability, environmental exposure, and developmental factors (e.g., no money), that can lead to overt Depression, which is also hallucinatory."

Gramm also wrote that, "Whining, one of the general symptoms of Recession, can be treated or controlled with alcohol or drugs or even having sex, though for most, due to the another symptom of Recession, the treatment is unaffordable."

In other psychiatric news, 25% of Americans believe President Bush is doing a good job.

Steve Young blogs at the appropriately named