My data analytics consultant informs me that I am not trending, especially among millennials. She suggests I publish lists since millennials click on lists. Being data-driven, I am test-blogging potential lists. Through a new app, I will record and analyze your galvanic skin response to each list below:
• Seven irrefutable proofs that the earth was created four centuries after the Sumerians invented glue
• 205 State Department employees that are known to the Secretary of State as being members of the Communist Party
• Ten amazing, new household uses for saliva
• 412 quotations from Michel Foucault, that no one, neither Jacques Derrida, nor Susan Sontag, nor Michel Foucault himself nor Rick Perry understood
• Man (and woman) Bite Dog; 5 videos of Congressional leaders (Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, John Boehner, Nancy Pelosi and Kevin McCarthy) biting labradoodles and bichon frises
• Seven videos of House Majority Whip Steve Scalise biting civil rights demonstrators
• The 12 top, don't-miss, tourist attractions in Ft. Wayne.
• 52 happy birthday messages from the Galaxy Zork-El to Barack Obama, sent on every August 4 since 1962.
• 10 auditors former general of Burkina Faso, including Dr. Bomo Ngoro, all of whom, before death of unspeakable gore, placed $88,766,000 in an unclaimed account, of which you are offered a 50 percentinterest.
• 15 incredibly famous celebrities that you have never heard of
• 1 thing you can do with a doorknob
• 5 dweebs that Hillary Clinton dated in her sophomore and junior years at Wellesley.
• 5 state capitols that do not exist (hint, think Vermont, the Dakotas and the deep South)
• 10 amazing facts you did not know about Lithuania
• 10 amazing facts Lithuania does not know about itself
• 12 sure-fire, scientifically proven, self-descriptions to get a date tonight on the dating websites "iHookup" and "BungaBunga"
• 5 sure-fire, scientifically proven, self-descriptions to avoid a date tonight on the dating websites "Virginity Pledge" and "Shiites Mingle."
If you know some, please forward the above to millennials and ascertain their preference. After a data driven consultation with my data analytics consultant I will compile a list that will trend and maybe go viral.