Take this news quiz and test your memory of this past week's events:
1.Mitt Romney stated that he has many great friends who own:
a.Two Cadillacs
b.Two Super PACs
c.Congress
d.Slaves
2.The words "slut," "prostitute" and "round-heeled" were used by:
a.Rush Limbaugh to describe his first three ex-wives
b.Barack Obama to describe three new federal job training programs for women.
c.Newt Gingrich to describe the media.
d.Antonin Scalia in the Supreme Court's decision that stoning female adulterers did not constitute cruel and unusual punishment.
3.Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa, AZ said that he and his volunteer citizen investigators have evidence that President Obama was born:
a.In a Nairobi Mosque.
b.On the War Planet Zork-El, ruled by the arch-fiend Lord Darkseid.
c.In the dithering State of Befuddlement
d.Without testicles
4.The 36 defendants charged in a scheme to defraud insurance companies of more than $279 million in New York were:
a.The New York State Senate
b.The Rockettes
c.Friends of Shasa and Malia
d.Apologetic
5.Contraception:
a.Is an infringement on religious liberty
b.Is Barack Obama's favorite activity excluding basketball and golf
c.Is an effective method to prevent another Donald Trump
d.Takes the fun out of it
6.In the most shocking news of the week, Kim Kardashian revealed that she divorced Kris Humphries because he wanted to have sex:
a.Pretending he was Kenneth Starr and she was Hillary Clinton
b.Pretending he was Hillary Clinton and she was Kenneth Starr
c.Pretending he and she both were Kenneth Starr
d.Occasionally
7.Tea Party activists charged the United Nation sponsored Agenda 21 is:
a.A plot to destroy Americans' personal property rights, water rights and gun rights.
b.A person, just like a corporation
c.A plot to impede Global Warming thereby threatening Americans' right to bear arms when it gets really hot
d.Ron Paul in drag
8.Last week, the price of gasoline exceeded:
a.Minimal standards of decency, propriety, and civility
b.The limits of the human imagination
c.Big Oil's prior displays of piracy and corporate avarice
d.The spectacle of Ron Paul in drag
9.Rick Santorum wants to vomit when he thinks of:
a.Having sex pretending that he is Hillary Clinton
b.The price of gasoline
c.Contraception
d.Having sex pretending he is Ron Paul in drag
10. True of false:
a.U.S. military personnel in Afghanistan burned copies of the Koran to impress Jodie Foster.
b.Holders of nearly worthless Greek bonds agreed to exchange them for recognition that banking is a hazardous profession meriting a full pension at age 50.
c.Nancy Pelosi, once a teenage Vampire, is now the High Priestess of the Washington D.C. Wiccan Coven of the Ancient Order of Druids.
d.Eric Cantor is a dork.
Scoring: You passed if you agree that Eric Cantor is a dork.