08/05/2010 03:37 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The Straight Nope: Urban Flops

The Straight Nopes is a collection of near daily critiques on styles that have gone astray in modern American culture. Hopefully though the observation of these wayward fashions, and the correcting that will ensue, we can all do our part to fix all that is wrong in a challenging yet optimistic world.

2010-08-05-flipflops_5331.jpg I would have to say my threshold for flip flops tends to be a lot higher than your average American opiner. Maybe it's the hours logged beachside, or that a classic pair of 'flops sans weird curves or athletic flourishes doesn't really bother me at all. Maybe it's because I like girl's feet. I don't know, but they just don't bother me that much as long as some douche isn't wearing them at a wedding with a suit, and quite honestly if it was a beachside wedding, I could totally be that douche.


I really hate seeing flip flops in the city. Especially a worn pair on someone who is sliding off the sides onto the pavement. In New York, people are not afraid to city flop, and it's so gross. Maybe it's because they never knew the 'hood when a needle on the sidewalk wasn't a rare sighting, or a crack vile or a (yuck) condom. I admit that I'm a tad germaphobic. I usually try not to touch the railings in the subway or anything in a public restroom, but even still I don't think I'm being prudish with this prejudice.

People, I know the cities are feeling safer everyday, but they are still urban jungles and this isn't ancient Rome. I don't care if you want to walk around in just bikini undies...go for it. But cover those feet. Please. It's gross in Los Angeles also, where every sidewalk has been pissed upon by some Night Train drinking bum. Or puked or shit or all three. And you're going to let your loosey goosey flip flopping heels step on that all for the sake of showing off a cute pedicure? C'mon now. It's not right. Elevation is the key word here, and you can still flaunt the pristine cuticles.

Cover them up and save the flip-flops for more accommodating climes and get at least a Mary Jane of protection between you and the streets, because the streets are nasty, with a dash of gnarly and nothing to be sliding your feet upon.