THE BLOG
04/06/2015 10:48 am ET Updated Jun 06, 2015

Sex Advice From a Mom Who Cares

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My children would probably call me an oversharer. I will talk about pretty much anything except for poop; I don't like discussing poop, it grosses me out. When it came time to talk to my kids about sex I was okay with it. I started at around age six with the "where babies come from" conversation (which was probably the hardest one), and moved on as they got older to more serious topics about sexual health, respect, personal responsibility and feelings.

I taught both my sons and my daughters that sex was great as long as they were having it because they really wanted to. They shouldn't have any sex to make someone like them, or to be popular, or because they were embarrassed to say no. I also taught them that they shouldn't feel any shame for having sex as long as they and their partner wanted it, were safe and treated each other with respect. My mantra was, "don't do anything you don't really want to do; don't try to coerce anyone else to do anything they don't want to do; stay clear of drunks who aren't in a position to make good choices; and always use a condom." I also shared these pearls of wisdom with many of their friends. Frequently. My kids loved that!

I went so far as to keep condoms all around my home. I opened the boxes and separated the condoms from one another so kids could take one without thinking I knew. I showed the girls that you could unroll a condom over your whole arm so, no, his penis was not too big. When the kids talked about sex and their own sexual activity -- this went for my own and their friends -- I never criticized them, all I ever said was "I hope you used a condom."

Imagine my surprise when my oldest daughter came to me and told me her friends are too embarrassed to ask new sexual partners to use condoms. Instead they use Plan B or the "morning after" pill. Look, things happen, I get it. You were drunk, the condom broke, you thought the rapture was coming... That's what Plan B is for. Do you know what it's not for? Protecting you from STDs.

Ladies, there is no shame in protecting your health and well being, and any man who would think less of you for standing up for yourself should not get to see you naked. You are a beautiful, valuable, loved member of your family, my family and your community. Do not ever compromise your health, your well being or your future. If you're just too embarrassed to buy them you can order something like these... which are made for women to buy and carry.

And gentlemen, come on now. Why in a million years would you have unprotected sex? I know it's less likely, but you can get diseases too. And what if the woman you sleep with gets pregnant? Are you ready to be a parent? Are you ready to pay child support? Are you ready to give up your youth and your freedom to raise a child? Are you ready to be connected to this woman for the rest of your life? And I say this to you, not the young ladies, because you will have NO CHOICE. The woman whose body it is will be making the decisions, and if she chooses to have the baby, you are on the hook.

I'm not talking about committed relationships -- in those relationships you and your partner should have a discussion about what birth control you're going to use. It may even still be condoms, there are a plethora of great choices. I'm talking about casual encounters. Here's a good rule of thumb: No condom=no sex. Nice and simple.