01/31/2013 09:34 am ET Updated Apr 02, 2013

Puck This


I am a newcomer to the world of ice hockey. I mean, how can one avoid it especially in my family which, if it has a ball or other projectile and it's on TV, the TV is on. Truly, my guys would watch lawn bowling if that were the only sport available on the airwaves. But trumpets sound when any team gets even remotely close to finals. Imagine how the Super Bowl has totally dictated the schedule of our lives.

Now hockey is back -- for at least part of a season and it is taking over our airwaves. There seems to be something so appealing to men about others really trying to hurt one another. I see hockey sticks as lethal weapons. Fortunately modern hockey uniforms make the ancient knights in armour look like cloistered practice people. I have no clue how they skate with all that stuff on. But that is not my biggest issue with the sport.

I CANNOT SEE THE PUCK! I don't mean to shout, but where is it? I look for a flurry of crashing sticks and sort of wait for someone to get totaled, but the round black thing is AWOL.

Surely, with all our high-tech video electronics there has got to be some way to highlight exactly where the thing is. I look at football and those ten-yard line lines magically appear. Baseball can track the 100 mph pitches -- we can see that easily enough. But the puck? It's a miracle on ice and it's missing, at least to my eye. I trust it lands in a net. I hear the cheering but can't figure out what the puck is going on.

So this viewer will watch those games. What choice do I have if I want to be with my guys. But please -- someone -- be the next ice hockey hero and help us find the puck.