Dear Matt & Tamsen,
My boyfriend and I are planning to move in together. We have been dating for about six months, and the timing feels right. I have one question though -- do you think this step will bring us closer together or could it be worse for the relationship? I am worried about this. Half of my friends say you have to try it before getting married, the other half are tell me not to do it. My lease is due soon and I have to make a decision.
This is a big step in a relationship, and it's not just about finding a great apartment and buying some cool items at Bed, Bath & Beyond to fix it up. There are some items you should be sorting through to make sure you're not boxing up your things six months down the road.
If you feel like you are being pressured to make a decision, we only have one word for you: EXTEND (as in extend your current lease) so you don't feel rushed in making a decision.
Now, here are few things you need to examine in the meantime:
First, he needs to know that YOU consider this a big step in the relationship. Do not let him think you are willing to just be his "roommate." If you act like this is no big deal, there is a good chance that he will too.
Second, it is important to let him know where you stand, but you should not have to ask him where HE is in the relationship. If this man wants to spend his life with you, he needs to be sure HE is ready for this next "move."
Finally, make certain you are comfortable with his level of commitment, before you hire a U-Haul and sign any 2-year lease. Don't think that he is going to change his mind about you in time. This is the time that you need to know his true feelings, not after the curtains are hung and you are playing house.
Please let us know how it goes and good luck to you in making your decision.
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