Have you ever felt betrayed? When I hear someone say, "I was betrayed," I immediately think that person was stabbed in the back or lied to by someone they trusted. As I flash on my own past, I am reminded of my old college boyfriend who went out on me. That betrayal cut like a knife. Other memories surface, too, of old hurts by friends, a parent, a sibling or a spouse. Even in my past career in television, I felt betrayed at times.
As I've traveled this spiritual journey I'm on, I have a new sense of what real betrayal is and when it hurts most.
The deepest betrayal happens when you betray yourself. It's not what someone else does to you. Betrayal happens with how you treat yourself. When you don't stand up for you and what you deserve, you betray YOU!
Take the example of my old college boyfriend going out with other girls behind my back. My instincts told me that this was going on long before I found out. But did I listen to my gut? No. I made excuses for him and stayed with him because I didn't want to lose his love.
By putting up with my old boyfriend's crap, I betrayed myself. I didn't realize this, however, way back then. At that time, when I finally discovered that my gut had been right all along, was I mad at myself? Nope. I went wacko for a bit and tried to beat up my boyfriend. (Remember, this was back in college!) I was furious with him! And this was not a one-time scenario. We broke up several times and got back together, only to experience the pain over and over again. I continually betrayed myself by staying in that abusive relationship.
I didn't realize in college that I was betraying myself. All I knew was that I felt angry and hurt by my boyfriend. But my anger was really with myself. That's because I ALLOWED this relationship to go on way too long. Why did I do this? Because I had a subconscious false belief that told me I had to give up myself to be loved.
I'm sure you've probably experienced or witnessed similar scenarios like mine. And you probably can see what I mean with how I betrayed myself. But have you ever asked how you're betraying yourself?
If you're feeling resentment, anger, or blame towards someone, the chances are you're betraying yourself. Your negative feelings are red flags showing you how you're letting yourself down.
Are you jealous of a coworker? Your jealousy is a sure sign that something is awry in your subconscious mind. You may think you're doing everything right and working hard, but there is something blocking you from receiving whatever it is that you long for. Is it because you have a false belief that says, "Everyone else can have success, but I can't?" Or maybe you feel, "I'm not good enough," or "I have to work myself into the ground before I receive life's rewards." These are just a few examples of what may be limiting you and stoking the fires of jealousy.
Here's another thought. Are you jealous because your coworker seems happy and you're not? Is your real issue that you hate what you're doing and feel stuck but are too afraid to follow your heart and do something else? Are you betraying yourself by making yourself suffer instead of leaving and finding a job you love?
Whatever you're telling yourself and whatever makes you feel jealous is not the truth and is a self-betrayal. It's time to go within and release the subconscious belief that creates your pain and suffering. No one is stopping you from having successes. It's all up to you and how you treat yourself!
Are you struggling in your relationship with your significant other? Why? Do you feel as if you're not being heard or valued? Do you feel as if you do more of the giving, but deep down are craving to be nurtured and supported? Do you feel as if your partner is betraying you by not loving you the way you want to be loved?
I see a lot of women suffer in their relationships because they need nurturing and support but tend to give rather than receive. When you don't ask for what you need, you are betraying yourself. If you don't take a stand for you, who will? It has to start with you! And here's an interesting thought: When you betray yourself this way, you're actually betraying your partner, too! That's because you aren't being fully authentic and loving to your relationship. For a relationship to thrive, you must be real and communicate your feelings.
I'm guessing at this point there will be some women who want to scream at me and say, "I ask and ask until I'm blue in the face and my partner STILL doesn't hear me!" I get it, ladies! However, what I know for sure is that if you are not being loved and nurtured the way you crave, it's because you are not taking a stand for this in your life.
Taking a stand may be as simple as speaking your needs or sharing your heart. It may mean taking action with something you want, rather than waiting on someone else to tell you it's okay. Or, it may be a more drastic measure like walking away from a situation. And sometimes it's just an inner knowingness that says, "No more!" That's the coolest shift. When you get so clear with what you deserve and feel it at your core, your whole world transforms! It's as if everything you've wanted falls into place because you are finally saying YES to yourself!
I want to invite you to take a close look at how you betray yourself. Go within and let go of the false beliefs that drive you to treat yourself this way. You deserve so much better! Ask yourself, "In what way can I stand up for myself?" By doing this, you will release your pain.
We think everyone else is to blame for our pain when, in truth, it is us who let ourselves down.