THE BLOG
10/03/2014 09:40 am ET Updated Dec 02, 2014

7 Kinds of People Who Will See 'Gone Girl' This Weekend

The big-screen adaptation of Gillian Flynn's mega-blockbuster novel Gone Girl rolls into theaters this weekend, finally bringing us an answer to the burning question, "So is the ending the same as the book or not?" Here are seven kinds of people we expect to see in the audience:

Married Couples Who Are in for a Shocker of a Date Night

Imagine showing up to this movie with your spouse thinking it's a romantic flick about a husband lovingly searching for his missing wife.

MILD SPOILER ALERT: it's not. Cue two hours of awkwardly not holding hands and a silent car ride home.

The David Fincher Army

Fight Club, Se7en, Alien 3 -- Fincher knows his way around a violent and disturbing story and has the fan base to prove it. This is the guy who put Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box years before hating GOOP was cool. He's a pioneer.

People Who Are Really Into Whatever Rosamund Pike Just Did to the Back of Her Head

Undershave? Underrated!

Sociopaths Who Relate to the Narrative Structure of the Book

Newsflash: If you're an "unreliable narrator," and you don't exist in the world of a novel, you're just a liar. People who pride themselves on deceiving others are sure to be big fans of the "he said, she said" ambiguity of Amy and Nick's story.

Anticipatory Batman Haters

Are you super angry that Ben Affleck is the new Batman? Paying money to see his current movie is a perfectly logical and correct way to express that emotion! You're totally making choices that support your strongly-held beliefs! Keep it up! See Gone Girl four or five times to show how angry you are! BATMAN!!!*

*This message paid for by Ben Affleck's exploding bank account.

Unemployed Writers

Gillian Flynn wrote the novel after she was laid off from Entertainment Weekly, and it became a crazy bestseller. Nick Dunne moved to Missouri after losing his writing job and then maybe killed his wife. So two roads diverge in the woods... which adventure will the unemployed writers in the audience choose?

Anxiety-Ridden Believers

Were you furious about the last twenty pages of the book? Here, come sit next to me. We'll hold hands and pray for something different. Or -- and stick with me here -- we could just trust that the writer of a bestselling book knew exactly what she was doing when she adapted her own screenplay and try to make our peace with that.

Be brave, everyone.

Written by Caitlin Kunkel. This post originally appeared on The Second City Network.