A few months ago, I was in the grocery store roaming the bread isle. Wheat, white, pita, English muffins... Boring, boring, boring. And, then I spotted it: Goldfish Sandwich Bread. There, right in between the milk and the exotic food aisle, I squealed. Bread, in the shape of a giant Goldfish cracker?! My kids would be psyched!! This was the best trip to Safeway ever!!! Wooo-hooo!
And, then it hit me: I am such a mother.
I asked my friends for their "motherhood moments" and the answers made me laugh -- I can relate to every single one... What about you?
25. Your new accessories consist of boogers, spit-up and pieces of food on your outfit. -- Monica
24. Your kid starts to throw up and you hold out your hands to catch it because you're no where near the toilet. Then you hold the crying child, getting barf in your hair and that's the least of your concerns. -- Amy
23. When going grocery shopping alone is considered "Me time" -- Lizette
22. You quietly wipe a butt (and remember to not flush!) while on a business call. -- Laura
21. Your six-year-old daughter has more shoes and a cuter wardrobe than you. -- Patti
20. You pick someone else's boogers and it's no big deal. -- Melissa
19. You actually like driving a mini van. -- Jody
18. When you know one million things to clean with BABY WIPES! -- Diana
17. When you feel the need to stick a bottle in the mouth of anyone upset. -- Michelle
16. You carry human teeth in your purse. -- Penny
15. You just forced them into bed and you've had enough; then an hour later you're bawling your eyes out at their baby pics. -- Nermeen
14. You hold your poop till 11 p.m. so that you can go without an audience... -- Evin
13. "What kind of poop was it?" counts as stimulating conversation. -- JoAnna
12. When you jam out to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song while driving and realize you just dropped off the little one at daycare. -- LeKisha
11. When you have extra underwear and leggings and emergency fruit snacks stashed in your purse and glove compartment at all times! -- Kathryn
10. You can do six different things at the same time. -- Donna
9. You hear a kid going bananas in public and as soon as you see it's not yours, you're thrilled. -- Stacey
8. Walk out of the house, realize there's poop on your shirt, and scrape it off with your nail instead of going back inside to change. -- Erin
7. When you hear someone else's newborn do her little gurgle cry and you think, "Awww, I wish I could hold her" rather than "OMG make it stop!" -- Brandy
6. You are more likely to find cheese sticks, diapers and yogurt in your purse than a mirror. -- Liana
5. You spent half the day with a "You Went Potty!!!!" sticker in your hair and no one told you. -- Tiffany
4. You have embraced the fact that an uninterrupted nap excites you more than uninterrupted sex. -- Kimberly
3. You clench your nether regions just before a sneeze so you don't pee. -- Kelly
2. You eat a rogue Froot Loop off the floor and never think twice. And you don't even look around to see if someone's watching. -- Susan
1. The last thing you do on a vacation is relax. -- Kimberly
How did you know you were a mother?
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